


Your Hand in Mine

by sangha



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Arachnophobia, Awkward Steve, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Blow Jobs, Bottom Bucky, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Coffee Shops, Eventual Smut, Explicit Consent, First Time, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Minor Peggy Carter/Angie Martinelli, Oral Sex, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Self-Esteem Issues, Spiders as a plot device, Tattooed Bucky Barnes, Tattoos, Top Steve, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-24 19:03:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4931575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sangha/pseuds/sangha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is just minding his own business when he hears someone scream in the dorm next to his. Enter Bucky Barnes: arachnophobe and hot neighbor who needs to be rescued from a giant spider. Naturally, romance ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Steve was bent over his books, preparing for one of his classes. He found the library too quiet – it was distracting somehow – so he had decided to just go back to his dorm room to study, trying to block out any annoying noises coming from the hallway. In any case, his dorm was a lot better than the one he had last semester. The bed was about a million times better and his chair didn’t look like it could fall apart at any moment, so that was a plus. Of course, the semester had only started a week ago, so maybe there were some unforeseen horrors he had yet to encounter, but so far, so good. He had been keeping to himself for the most part, only hanging out with his best friend Sam as much as he could. Sam had carefully suggested that Steve should put himself out there a little more, but Steve had spent a lifetime being ignored by women and picked on by guys. He wasn’t about to come out of his shell.

He’d been ignoring loud people in the hallway semi-successfully for about an hour when he heard a terrible scream coming from the dorm next to his. It sounded like that person, whoever it was, was in serious trouble. Luckily, their shared bathroom connected the two dorms and Steve wasted no time running through the shared space to get to the other dorm, bursting through the door. He only belatedly realized that if someone was being attacked, he wouldn’t be of much help, physically speaking. All he had was the element of surprise.

“What’s happening here? Are you okay?” Steve blurted out immediately. He started coughing and he cursed his horrible lungs for never doing what they were supposed to do. When he finally looked up to see what was going on, he found his neighbor staring at him. Steve had seen the guy around, but they had never spoken. Also, he was the only person in the room. Clearly there was no attack, or any other immediate emergency. 

“Holy shit, man. You scared me half to death,” the man said, grinning.

“Yeah, right back at ya. What were you screaming for?” Steve said, barely keeping the annoyance out of his voice.

A light blush appeared on the other man’s cheeks. Steve tried to ignore it. Just like he tried to ignore the man’s ridiculous arms and the tattoos that were partially covered by the tank top he was wearing. “Yeah, I uh…there’s a spider,” he said, looking mortified. 

Steve sighed. “Seriously? That’s why you screamed like that?” 

“Hey, it’s a legitimate phobia, okay? Besides, that thing is fucking huge. It’s not natural.” 

Steve rolled his eyes. “Where is it?”

“I can’t believe you haven’t seen it yet. It practically takes up that entire wall.” He pointed to a spot on the wall. “It’s over there.”

Okay, that was a pretty big spider, Steve had to admit. “Please just get rid of it,” the stranger begged.

“Do you have a container or something?” Steve asked.

“Wait, you’re not going to kill it? Are you nuts?” 

“Just because you have some irrational fear of spiders doesn’t mean I’m going to kill it. I’ll just take it outside and set it free there,” he explained calmly.

“But then it might come back! What if it has some crazy memory and it’s going to haunt me for the rest of my life?” Steve could tell the man was trying to make it sound like a joke, but there was a hint of seriousness there.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how spiders work. I’ll set it free on the other side of campus, if it makes you feel better,” he offered as a compromise. 

“Fine,” the other man grumbled. He handed Steve a small box and Steve trapped the spider without much trouble. “Please burn that box when you’re done with it.”

Steve laughed. “Afraid it’ll find its own scent and come back to you?” 

“Maybe.” He grinned. “Anyway, thanks, I guess.”

“No problem,” Steve replied earnestly. “I’ll go now, before you start telling me you’re afraid the spider’s going to escape this box.” 

He was almost out the door when the other man said, “I’m Bucky, by the way.”

“Steve.”

“Nice to meet you, Steve. I’ll be sure to call on you next time a spider crisis arises.”

\--- 

Steve felt a little lightheaded. Bucky was ridiculously attractive. He had tried his best not to focus on it, but it had been extremely difficult. Part of him was glad Bucky had been so silly about the spider because now he had an excuse to get some fresh air and clear his head. He set the spider free in a shrub. 

It was not until he entered his dorm building that he realized he didn’t have his key. He’d gone straight outside from Bucky’s dorm and he hadn’t bothered to grab a key when he rushed into Bucky’s dorm. His roommate was working and wouldn’t be back for hours. The only way back into his dorm was through Bucky’s.

He knocked on Bucky’s door, feeling like an idiot.

Bucky opened the door, his eyes widening in horror when he saw it was Steve. “Please don’t tell me the spider escaped and is in this building.”

Steve laughed. “Of course not. I just…uh…I locked myself out.”

“Tsk. How irresponsible of you,” Bucky teased.

“Yeah, well, if you hadn’t been screaming like you were being murdered, I wouldn’t have rushed over here.” 

“Fair enough.” Bucky’s grin was growing on Steve. It was becoming a problem. He let Steve walk past him, who handed him the box back and headed straight for the hallway that connected their two dorms. “See you around, neighbor.”

“Y-yeah, see you,” Steve stammered in response. He mentally kicked himself.

\--- 

Sam was relentless. “So, hot neighbor, with tattoos, who was basically a damsel in distress when you met him? And you rescued him from the evil spider? This is amazing.”

Steve buried his head in his hands. “Yeah, but you should’ve seen him. There’s no way he’s interested in me. He’s gorgeous and I’m –” 

“You’ve gotta stop putting yourself down like that, man,” Sam cut him off. “You’ve got a lot to offer, you just have to put yourself out there. If people can’t see that, they don’t deserve you. Besides, you’re the prettiest guy on campus,” he added.

Steve huffed. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Says the guy who won’t even consider the possibility of dating someone because he doesn’t think he’s good enough.”

Steve didn’t say anything. He knew Sam meant well, and his friend did make him feel better, but he wasn’t delusional. He was tiny, even compared to a lot of women, he was skinny, and his health prevented him from developing any other body type. It wasn’t a look that people found attractive and he was well aware of that. Those were simply the facts. Still, he really liked Bucky. He liked his cocky grin and his stupid blue eyes and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking about Bucky’s lips. The tattoos made everything ten times worse. And then there was that stupid hair bun – God, he was a hopeless case at this point. 

He knew nothing was ever going to happen between them, but he wasn’t going to deny himself some harmless fantasies. 

\--- 

Life returned to normal. There were no more spider crises. Every now and then he saw Bucky in the hall or on campus, but they would just say “Hi” and that was it. It was probably for the best. Nothing happened that would challenge Steve’s belief that nothing could happen between them. 

At least, until an unfortunate incident that was bound to happen when you share a bathroom. Steve was just about to take a shower when Bucky walked out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. Steve was definitely not ready for that. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, blushing a deep crimson.

Bucky grinned. “No problem.” Instead of walking back to his dorm, Bucky decided this was an excellent time to catch up. “So, how’ve you been? Caught any more spiders?”

“Uh…no?” Steve couldn’t believe Bucky was making an attempt at small talk as if Steve wasn’t having an internal crisis after coming face to face with Bucky’s bare chest and those fucking tattoos. He finally got it together enough to form a coherent sentence. “I haven’t been doing much, just keeping busy with course work. You?” 

“Same here. Things have been kind of slow around here.” There was a pause in which Steve tried very hard not to look at anything other than Bucky’s face or the wall behind him. “So I never really thanked you for the spider thing. You wanna go get some coffee later?” It was a casual invitation – definitely not a date, Steve told himself.

“Sure,” he said. “I have class in half an hour, but I’m free this afternoon.” He wondered if he sounded too eager.

Bucky smiled though, so he must not have thrown him off. “Great, me too. Meet back here at 1?” he asked.

“Okay.”

“Awesome. It’s a date,” Bucky said, winking at Steve before finally turning around and going back to his own room.

Steve tried to calm his breathing but his attempts were futile. He hoped a cold shower would help. It didn’t. 

\--- 

He had never been so glad to have class with Sam. He was also glad that Sam always showed up to class at least 15 minutes early. 

“Hey Steve! What’s up?” 

“I think Bucky asked me on a date?” It came out as a question, as if Sam had the answer.

“Hold up, what?” Sam asked, clearly confused. “I thought you hadn’t actually spoken to the guy since the whole spider thing?”

“Yes, but I sort of bumped into him when he got out of the shower and –”

“And that’s when he asked you out? Wow.” 

“He asked me to go for coffee and then he said ‘it’s a date’ so that’s definitely a date and I’m freaking out a little.” 

“Dude, breathe,” Sam said, smiling. Steve was once again reminded of what a great friend Sam was. He never made fun of Steve for his lack of experience and he was always positive about everything. He wouldn’t know what to do without Sam to make him feel better. 

“What if it goes terribly? What if I bore him?” Steve asked, trying to keep the genuine concern out of his voice, but failing. He had no idea what to do or how to behave. 

Sam looked him in the eye. “Listen, he likes you enough to ask you out, awkwardness and all, so you’ll be fine.” 

Steve smiled. Sam always knew what to say. 

He tried to focus on the class, but his mind kept wandering to Bucky. He was half-convinced this was just a dream and he’d wake up, disappointed and going back to his normal life. But no matter how often he pinched himself, nothing changed. He was still in class, Sam was still sitting next to him, and he was still going to go on a date with Bucky. 

After class, he went back to his dorm. He had half an hour to get ready, which should be plenty of time. Except he suddenly felt like all the clothes he owned were nowhere near good enough. He ended up settling for a blue button down – the woman at the store had assured him it brought out his eyes – and skinny jeans. 

He checked his phone. 12:55. Just five more minutes. Now that his mind was no longer distracted by a clothing crisis, the nervous butterflies returned in full force. He concentrated on breathing slowly and steadily, hoping his lungs wouldn’t act up today. He managed to refrain from pacing around the room, but only barely. 

Finally, he heard a knock on his door.

“Hey, you ready to go?” Bucky asked.

Steve nodded. He checked if he had his keys and his inhaler and walked out into the hall, following Bucky.

“So I know this place off-campus, it’s not very big, but at least most people here haven’t actually discovered that it exists.”

“That’s awfully hipster of you,” Steve commented.

Bucky grinned. “I’m actually trying to dodge the hipster crowds at every other coffee shop.” 

“So I probably shouldn’t tell people about this magical place then? Lest it attract the dreaded hipster crowds.” Steve was infinitely grateful his wit hadn’t abandoned him, although he probably shouldn’t spend too much time actually looking directly at Bucky if he wanted to keep it that way. 

“Well, if you have trouble keeping a secret, I’m sure I can think of a way to get you to shut up,” he said, eyes twinkling mischievously. 

Steve swore he could feel his heart skip a beat. Heat rose in his cheeks and he silently cursed his body for always betraying him. To make matters worse, he could feel the beginnings of a coughing fit, lungs wheezing. He tried to steady his breathing, tried to tell his lungs to just shut up for once, but none of that helped. He kept walking for a while, but eventually started coughing, and once he started it was hard to stop.

He reached for his inhaler while Bucky turned to him, looking concerned. “Are you okay? Do you need help?” he asked, clearly worried.

Steve tried to indicate with vague hand gestures that he was fine. He finally found his inhaler, feeling his lungs calm down as he used it. “Sorry,” he finally managed, weakly.

Bucky’s eyes went wide. “What the hell are you apologizing for?”

Steve shrugged. “My stupid lungs.” All he wanted was one afternoon without his body failing him. Just one, so he could maybe actually have a shot with Bucky. But now Bucky would realize Steve was so tiny because he’s ridiculously weak and nobody would want to put up with that.

Bucky grabbed him by his shoulders, forcing Steve to look at him. “Stop that,” Bucky said. Steve looked away, but Bucky turned his head. “I’m serious. Don’t apologize for your body. Ever.”

Steve had no idea how to respond to that. He didn’t get why Bucky cared so much, but he wasn’t about to comment on it. Bucky let go of his shoulders and said, “Now let’s go get that coffee.” 

Luckily, the shop wasn’t very far. Steve was a little surprised that so few other students had found this place, but then again, it was really tiny and would be easily overlooked. There were just a handful of tables, and only one barista as far as Steve could tell. Only one table was occupied at the moment. 

Bucky greeted the barista as they walked in. “Hey Peg!” 

The barista looked up. “Hi James!” 

Bucky led them to a table. As soon as they sat down, Steve asked, “James?”

“Oh, right yeah. My first name is actually James, but I prefer Bucky. I can’t get Peggy to agree though, so she never calls me that. It’s annoying as hell,” he said, but there was no sting to his words. It was clear from his tone they were close.

“Gossiping about me?” Peggy asked as she approached their table. She had a British accent, which Steve was not expecting. She was also stunningly beautiful: she had a great smile and warm brown eyes. 

“I would never!” Bucky replied, mock-offended. “Steve, this is Peggy. Peggy, Steve,” he said by way of introducing them.

“Nice to meet you,” Steve said politely.

“You too. So you’re the guy who rescued James from that spider?” 

That meant Bucky had mentioned him to someone else. Steve felt a smile forming despite himself. “Uh yeah, that was me. It was a very dire situation.” 

“You shoulda seen that thing, Peg. It was huge,” Bucky explained. 

Peggy laughed. “I’m sure it was. Anyway, what do you want to drink?” she asked, looking at Steve.

“Ginger tea, please.” He hoped it would calm him down a bit and prevent another coughing fit. 

Peggy nodded. “And the regular for you?” she asked Bucky. 

“Ah, you know me so well.”

She smiled and walked away to get their drinks. 

“I can see why you like this place,” Steve said.

“Are you telling me you’re into Peg?” Bucky asked.

“What? No! I…no!” he stammered. 

Bucky laughed. “Relax, I’m joking.” Steve let out a sigh of relief. He really thought he fucked up for a moment. “Anyway, I only discovered this place by coincidence. There’s a tattoo shop next door and it’s kind of my regular place. Nat, my tattoo artist, told me to check this place out and I basically never left.”

“Yeah, can’t blame you.”

“So anyway, I don’t really know much about you, except that you’re apparently against killing spiders, which I still don’t understand.” 

Steve shrugged. “There’s not much to know.” His life wasn’t very interesting; he had few friends and he didn’t go out much. He still wasn’t sure what had attracted Bucky to him in the first place, but it was bound to go downhill from here on out. He just wasn’t an interesting person.

“Oh come on. What do you do when you’re not rescuing neighbors and spiders?” Bucky insisted. Peggy came over to give them their drinks, but didn’t stay at their table to chat.

“Uh, well, I’m an English major,” he began. 

Bucky smiled, evidently glad that Steve was continuing the conversation. “So you’re into literature and stuff?” 

He nodded. “Initially I wanted to go to art school, but I figured that it’s practically impossible to get anywhere in that industry unless you’re really good, and even then you have to be lucky. Not that English has the greatest career options, but it’s at least a little more practical than art, I guess.” 

“So, wait, you’re an artist?” Bucky asked, interest clearly piqued.

“Well, not really since I never pursued it.” 

Bucky waved away his objections. “Doesn’t matter. What kind of art?”

“Pencil drawings, mostly.” Those drawings were his true passion, but he knew they weren’t good enough to get anywhere in the art world. Drawing calmed him down though. He could focus on the drawing and nothing else. And even if he wasn’t that good, it still gave him a sense of accomplishment, that his hands could produce these drawings. His body didn’t suck at everything.

“That’s so awesome! I have zero creative talent,” Bucky said, sounding genuinely impressed. “Could I see some of your drawings some time?”

The question caught Steve a little off guard. He always tried to put as much of himself into his drawings, which made them very personal. Bucky had been nothing but extremely friendly so far though, and Steve really liked him. He liked how Bucky had very little control over his expressions – or maybe he just didn’t care. Whichever it was, it turned his face into an open book. He liked how Bucky leaned in a little every time Steve spoke, making sure his attention was entirely focused on Steve. He liked how Bucky seemed to be genuinely interested in him as a person. So he said “yeah, okay” to Bucky’s request.

The date went surprisingly well. It wasn’t hard to keep the conversation going. He found out that Bucky was an IT major and that he’d always been interested in science, even as a little kid. He always wanted to be up to date with the latest inventions and got the latest gadgets whenever he could afford them. He got his first tattoo not long after he started college and had gotten at least one tattoo every year since. 

“It’s a bit of an addiction,” Bucky admitted, laughing.

“It’s pretty cool though, making your body your own like that.” Steve smiled at Bucky. He liked that Bucky could get so excited about things like science and gadgets and tattoos and even Steve’s art, which he hadn’t even seen. “So does your artist come up with designs or do you come up with them?” 

“Nat does most of the work. I usually have some sort of idea and she makes a design based on my incredibly vague descriptions. It’s a good thing she’s good at reading people because otherwise it’d be a disaster to figure out what the hell I’m talking about.” 

Peggy came to check on them every now and then, but other than that, their conversation went on uninterrupted. Steve had no idea how long they’d been sitting in that tiny shop and he didn’t really care. Even if he’d never go on a date with Bucky again, he’d be okay with it. He was having a great time just talking to Bucky and he hoped that, if nothing else, he’d at least have a new friend. 

Of course, he did _really_ want to go on another date with Bucky. How could he not, when the guy sitting across from him was not only insanely gorgeous, but also kind and funny? Still, he wasn’t going to hold out much hope. 

“Maybe we should start heading back,” Bucky suggested after checking his phone and realizing that well over four hours had passed since they left campus. They said goodbye to Peggy, who was beaming at them.

As they walked back to campus, Bucky took Steve’s hand, lacing their fingers together. The pressure of Bucky’s hand felt nice against Steve’s skin. They walked in silence for the most part, Steve simply enjoying the moment.

They were back at their dorms far too quickly. Steve wanted this day to never end and he could tell Bucky was stalling too. 

“I thought maybe I could look at some of your art?” Bucky asked, more apprehensive than Steve had ever seen him. 

Steve was happy to jump on the opportunity to spend some more time with Bucky. “Yeah, sure. Come on in.” He realized just how lucky he was to have a roommate who was rarely ever in their dorm. He walked over to his desk, where his sketchbooks were. He considered which drawings to show Bucky, eventually choosing his most recent sketchbook. Steve hadn’t shown these drawings to anyone yet, but he was quite proud of them. He opened the book on a page with a portrait of Sam that he liked particularly well and handed it to Bucky. 

Bucky took the book and studied the drawing carefully before turning to the next page. He was quiet for a long while, during which Steve began to fidget. Maybe Bucky didn’t like the drawings and was just trying to think of something positive to say. It took a lot of effort to just stand there, waiting for a response.

“Shit, Steve,” Bucky finally said. “I mean, I know fuck-all about art, but these are amazing. I can’t believe you didn’t apply to art school.” 

“Really?” Steve said. 

“Yeah, you idiot,” Bucky said as he handed the sketchbook back carefully, as if he was handling a fragile object. He moved closer to Steve, slowly invading his personal space. “Is this okay?” he asked as he placed his hand under Steve’s chin, lifting his head slightly. Bucky’s intent was clear. Steve nodded, not trusting his voice. Bucky closed what little space was still between them, pressing his lips to Steve’s. Bucky was clearly in no hurry, moving very slowly, delicious pressure overwhelming Steve. He had no idea how long they stayed like that and when he finally pulled away, it was only because he was having trouble breathing.

He focused on his breathing, making sure his breaths were steady and even. He had never hated his lungs this much.

“You okay?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, just, my st- my lungs,” he replied, cutting off the word stupid when he remembered what Bucky had said to him that afternoon.

“Guess I took your breath away, huh?” Bucky said, smirking.

Steve snorted. “Jerk.”

“Seriously though, you okay?” Bucky asked again. Steve could tell Bucky didn’t want to pry into his medical history and it occurred to Steve that his health hadn’t been the topic of conversation at any point this afternoon. Usually people couldn’t contain their curiosity and asked sooner rather than later. In those cases, he always tried to change the topic, but he realized that if Bucky asked him now what kind of medical issues he had, he would tell him without hesitation.

Bucky hadn’t asked though, not directly anyway, so Steve decided it was a topic best saved for later. “Yeah, my lungs just act up a lot, but I’ll be fine. Just need some time to breathe.” He sat down on his bed, Bucky wasting no time to sit next to him and place his right hand on Steve’s back, slowly rubbing circles. Steve could hardly believe that Bucky was still here, taking care of him, instead of getting out of there as fast as he could. 

Bucky glanced at his watch. “Shit, I’ve got to go to work.” He looked genuinely annoyed to have to leave.

Steve immediately got up. “Oh right, sorry. I didn’t make you late, did I?”

“Nah, but I do have to go now. Don’t be a stranger, neighbor,” he said, winking at Steve, followed by a grin that said he knew exactly what he was doing to Steve, before heading back to his own dorm.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took me so long to update. I plan on adding two chapters before Christmas though, so I hope that makes up for it.

Bucky felt giddy when he returned to his own dorm. Going into the date, he wasn’t sure what to expect. He’d liked Steve from the moment he burst into his dorm, but it was also obvious that Steve was a little shy and a lot insecure. Those apprehensions disappeared as soon as they started talking though. Steve had a razor-sharp wit while also somehow managing to be the cutest guy he’d ever seen.

He tried to wipe what must have been the dopiest smile in all of human history off his face before going to work, but he didn’t succeed. For once he was glad he took that stupid dishwashing job; at least he didn’t have to be completely focused on his job and he could let his mind wander.

By the time he got back, his roommate had also finally resurfaced. “Hey Clint,” he said as he walked in. Clint was one of those guys who was incredibly laid-back, which made him a great roommate. He spent an inordinate amount of time napping in random places, but somehow still managed to pass all of his classes easily. They met freshman year and immediately hit it off. They’d requested to be roommates the following year.

Bucky noticed a redhead sitting on the floor by Clint’s bed. “Oh hey Nat, hadn’t seen you there,” Bucky added. A few years ago, Clint had gone along to the tattoo shop, met Natasha, and they’d started sort-of-kind-of dating not long after, though they never really defined their relationship clearly, at least not to others.

“Hey James,” Natasha said. Bucky wondered why the two women he was closest to insisted on calling him ‘James.’ He’d given up pretty quickly on trying to change Nat’s mind though; she wouldn’t budge and he’d decided to leave it alone. He didn’t really mind that much anyway, it was just a little strange. “How was your date?” she asked, sitting up straighter as if that would help her hear the story better.

“It was good,” he answered. He walked over to his bed, sitting down.

“Oh come on man, give us some details,” Clint said excitedly. “Don’t talk too loudly though, he might hear you through the walls or something.”

“Ha ha, very funny.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Anyway, it went really well, actually. We went over to Peg’s and –”

“And you didn’t stop by my place? Tsk.”

“I’m not sure he’s ready for tattoos yet,” Bucky joked. “But I’ll be sure to bring him by so you can convince him. But anyway, we went over to Peg’s and we were there for a pretty long time, just getting to know each other, you know? And he said he was an artist, which is all kinds of amazing.” He could hear himself start to ramble, but he didn’t really care. Talking about Steve made him happy. “So when we got back, I asked him if I could see some of his art, and seriously you guys, you shoulda seen it. It was insane. I don’t even know how anyone can draw like that.”

“Maybe you should ask him to draw you like one of his French girls,” Clint quipped, to which Natasha snorted.

“But don’t you dare use this side of the room,” Natasha added, gesturing to Clint’s bed.

“Jesus Christ, I barely know him,” Bucky said lamely. He wished he’d come up with a sharp retort, but his mind kind of blanked the moment Clint implied nude portraits.

“That doesn’t seem to stop you from being crazy in love with him.” Clint was grinning at him.

“Shut up, I’m not in love,” Bucky muttered lamely. He wasn’t. He really didn’t know that much about Steve. And yeah, okay, he was a pretty great guy, and ridiculously cute, and talented, and his eyes were this insane blue color that may have driven him a little nuts, but it was just a crush at this point.

“I still can’t believe you guys met as a result of your screaming because of a spider. And that it led to a fucking date,” Clint said, shaking his head.

“I’ll have you know we went on a date because I surprised him with my amazing physique when I came out of the shower,” Bucky joked.

Natasha snorted. “Right. Well, at least you don’t lack confidence.”

He wished he could transfer some of that confidence to Steve. It didn’t take a genius to notice that Steve was incredibly insecure about everything from his health to his art. Underneath that, though, Bucky had found an interesting personality, always ready to fire some snarky comment at him. He never thought it possible, but he was actually happy that fucking monstrosity of a spider had invaded his room.

“Bucky!” Natasha all but yelled. Apparently she’d been trying to get his attention while he was thinking of Steve. Just a crush, he reminded himself.

“What?”

“You still coming by tomorrow, to discuss the design?” she asked.

“Oh right.” He’d almost forgotten. “Yeah, sure thing.”

“Okay. Well, I’m heading out.” She kissed Clint briefly. “See you tomorrow, James.”

When the door closed behind her, Clint turned to Bucky. “You are so definitely a goner for this kid.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Shut up.” Clint just laughed in response. “Don’t you have a stray dog to feed or something?” Bucky asked him, trying to change the topic.

“That’s important work, you know. You haven’t lived until you give a stray dog some much-needed attention and they start wagging their tail like it’s the best day of their life. Take it from me, James Buchanan Barnes.”

Bucky laughed. Clint never called him by his full name. “I’m glad at least one of us has had that life-changing experience.”

“Speaking of life-changing experiences, I seem to recall we were talking about Steve.”

So much for changing the topic. “Jesus Christ,” Bucky said, his wit having evidently vacated the premises as soon as Steve was mentioned.

“He could be listening by the door right now,” Clint said, using his best creeper voice.

“Unlike certain people in this room, there are still people who are not complete and utter creeps,” Bucky retorted.

Clint grasped his chest in mock-pain. “Ouch.”

Clint finally dropped the subject though, apparently having felt he teased Bucky enough. 

Bucky fell asleep pretty quickly after that, exhausted from the long day. He woke up at half past noon. “Fuck! I have to be at Nat’s at 1!” he yelled at nobody in particular, Clint already having left the dorm for his weekend job.

He took a quick shower, quietly hoping he’d bump into Steve, but something told him Steve wasn’t much of a late sleeper. He threw on some clothes without paying much attention to what he was wearing and ate his breakfast as fast as he could, barely even chewing the food.

He made it to Nat’s at 1:05. He laughed quietly to himself when he looked at the sign outside the shop saying “Black Widow Ink.” Spiders were influencing his life in more ways than he’d ever think he’d want. “Hey Nat!”

She looked up from where she was drawing some designs for some customer. “Wow, you look like shit,” she said, smirking.

He smiled ruefully. “Yeah, I may have woken up just half an hour ago.”

“Dreaming of Steve?” she teased, to which he rolled his eyes at her. “Sit,” she said, tapping the empty seat next to her. “So, what are we thinking?” she asked.

“Uhh, well, I was thinking a geometric design,” he began. “Something abstract, you know? I was thinking it could go here,” pointing to a sizable empty spot on his inner upper left arm. “Here, I brought some examples of stuff that I like.” He produced a couple of printed out images and handed them to Natasha.

She studied them carefully. “Okay, I can work with that,” she said as she turned to a blank sheet in her sketchbook. “You can stay while I work on this, if you want. My next customer doesn’t come in till 2 anyway.”

Bucky nodded. “Thanks.” He loved spending time at the shop, watching Natasha work. He knew she preferred to be watched from a distance though, so he got up from his chair and moved to a couch on the other end of the shop. She worked in silence for a while, Bucky content to either just sit there or wander around the shop every now and then, looking at other pieces Nat had done.

“So, Steve,” Natasha broke the silence.

“What about him?”

“I talked to Peggy this morning,” she began. “She said you two looked really cute together.”

Bucky sighed. He should’ve known those two would gossip about their date. He smiled despite himself though. He was glad Peggy liked the look of them together. “Did you really expect anything else?”

“Well, I wouldn’t use the word ‘cute’ to describe you, Barnes. Hobo, more like,” she retorted, smirking.

“Tsk. I am your customer, you know. And customer is king.”

She put her pencil down. “If you’re asking me to choose between making snide remarks and your money, you should know I will always go for the snide remarks.”

If Bucky didn’t know her so well, he would’ve thought she was serious. Natasha was an expert at bluffing and misleading people, but Bucky had picked up on her tells by now. Besides, their friendship consisted mostly of them ribbing each other, but underneath, they knew each other better than almost anyone else, having developed a close friendship over the years. Bucky sensed that Natasha, being older than him, felt responsible for him to some extent, wanting to make sure he was doing okay, both in school and outside of it. For his part, he wanted to make sure she didn’t isolate herself too much.

She picked up the pencil again and continued sketching in silence. After about half an hour, she called him over. “Is this the kind of thing you had in mind?”

He went up to her, taking the sketch she handed him. “Wow, Nat. Yeah, this is amazing.”

“I’ll work out some more of the details of the shading and coloring obviously,” she said. “I can also work on some alternative designs if you’d like, just to give you some options.”

“I seriously love this one, though,” he said, voice betraying awe. He was never not amazed by how quickly Natasha not only understood what he was looking for, but then also managed to put it down on paper within the span of an hour.

“Okay, great. I’ll text you when I’ve finished it,” she promised.

Bucky thanked her and left the shop feeling that particular rush of excitement he only got from new tattoos. As he walked back to the dorms, he felt the urge to check if Steve was in. So instead of going back to his own dorm, he knocked on the next door down the hall. Steve opened the door in a pair of sweatpants and a shirt that appeared to be at least three sizes too big on him. Bucky couldn’t help but think that’s probably what Steve would look like wearing one of his shirts. “Hey Steve,” Bucky greeted him.

“Hi!” Steve replied, corners of his mouth tugging up into a smile.

“I was just uh…” Bucky began, unsure of how to finish the sentence. His usual smoothness was nowhere to be found.

“In the neighborhood?” Steve finished for him, laughing.

“Yeah, no shit,” Bucky replied. “I just thought, if you’re not doing anything today, we could hang out?”

Steve’s face lit up with a smile. “I was just working on a paper, but I wasn’t really getting anywhere anyway, so yeah, sounds good.” Steve moved aside to let Bucky in.

“Awesome!”

“So did you just roll out of bed or…?” Steve asked.

“Pfft, I’m offended you’d think that. I was up at the very respectable hour of 12:30PM,” Bucky said, as if it was some kind of accomplishment.

“Mm-hmm,” was Steve’s reply.

“I actually just came back from an appointment with Nat, you know, my tattoo artist.”

“You got a new one?” Steve asked.

“Nah, she just worked on the design. I’ll get it done soon though,” he added. “You can come with me if you want,” Bucky suggested, the words leaving his mouth before he even realized it.

Steve’s eyes widened slightly. “Wow. Yeah, that sounds really cool.” 

Bucky looked around the room. “Your roommate not in?”

Steve shook his head. “He works a lot. I’m not sure how he’s still alive with the amount of hours he works and his course load, but he seems to be managing.” 

Bucky stepped into Steve’s space, intent clear. “Lucky for us,” he said in a low voice, grinning.

Steve rolled his eyes and said something about Bucky being “real smooth,” but Bucky didn’t let him finish, grabbing Steve’s face and kissing him.

Bucky walked backwards towards the bed, pulling Steve along with him. Sitting down, he pulled Steve into his lap, never breaking the kiss. Bucky’s hands settled on Steve’s sides, while Steve’s hands couldn’t seem to settle on one place. The kiss turned slightly frantic and in the back of his mind, Bucky heard a voice telling him to go slowly, but that thought was pushed from his mind when he felt one of Steve’s hands tugging at his hair and he couldn’t suppress a moan. 

Steve pulled back, blush creeping up on his cheeks. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pull so hard,” he said, not making eye contact.

Bucky smiled. “I don’t mind.” That made Steve look at him again. “Kinda liked it, actually,” he added, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Steve snorted and shoved Bucky, no real force behind it. “You’re ridiculous.” 

“Mmhmm.”

“So what did you come over for?” Steve asked.

Bucky leaned in to peck him on the lips. “This, obviously.” He reached up to brush some hair out of Steve’s face. “And maybe watch a movie?” he asked. “Unless you need to get back to that paper?”

“Nah, I wasn’t going to get anything done today anyway.” Steve got up from Bucky’s lap and grabbed his laptop, sitting back down next to Bucky on the bed. 

They proceeded to browse through Netflix for an hour before deciding on some romantic comedy neither of them really cared about anyway. 

\--- 

They started spending a lot of time together. It was easy, as if they’d known each other their whole lives. When Bucky said something to that effect to Natasha, she called it “gross” but Bucky knew her well enough to know she was happy for him. 

Bucky learned that Steve was stubborn as hell and his pride was easily wounded. He couldn’t blame Steve, it was a kind of defense mechanism for him. Still, he wished Steve wouldn’t bristle every time Bucky tried to tell him he liked how small Steve is in his hands, or every time Bucky picked him up with ease. To Bucky, it was simply a show of affection but to Steve, it was a reminder of how inadequate he felt. Bucky decided to make it his life’s mission to show Steve he shouldn’t ever have to feel inferior because of his appearance. 

It wasn’t an easy task. Calling him “beautiful” earned Bucky an eyeroll and a shove, trying to shower him with loving kisses made him grumble “I’m not your girl, Buck.” 

“Jesus, Steve, I know that,” Bucky had shot back, looking down at his hands. “Just wanted to show you I care, is all.” 

“I’m not some fragile object, okay? You don’t have to treat me with kid gloves,” Steve had replied. When Bucky still didn’t look up, Steve added, “‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to be an asshole, I just...just rather you don’t do that, okay?” 

Bucky had finally looked up. “Yeah, sure thing,” he had said, smiling and opening his arms for Steve to settle in. 

So Bucky knew that was not the way to go about it, but he still wanted to show Steve how important he was. He’d just have to figure out how.


	3. Chapter 3

Midterms rolled around not long after they started dating, which meant Steve spent a lot of time procrastinating. Usually that meant lots of Netflix, but now he had a new reason to procrastinate. He sent Bucky a text: **‘netflix and chill? ;)’**

**‘sorry babe, gotta cram for this midterm. raincheck?’**

**‘you have to study all day? :(’** Steve knew he was being petulant, but Bucky had been holed up in the library for the past three days and Steve couldn’t believe he wouldn’t take a break. 

**‘i’ll make it up to you, promise’**

**‘I can’t believe people think _I’m_ the nerdy one in this relationship,’** Steve replied.

**‘it’s the tattoos. you should get some ;)’**

Steve couldn’t keep a smile from forming on his face as he texted back: **‘you’re just trying to corrupt me’**

**‘hey, you’re the one who’s keeping me from studying!’**

Steve rolled his eyes. **‘fine, fine, I’ll leave you alone. don’t study too hard. x’** He was still not satisfied with Bucky’s response. A couple of days ago, Bucky had let slip that he sometimes forgot to eat when he was in his intense studying mode. Steve decided he’d make some sandwiches and bring them to Bucky. It was almost dinner time anyway and from the sounds of it, Bucky wasn’t planning on leaving the library anytime soon. 

Twenty minutes later, Steve headed over to the library. He was almost there when he heard people arguing. As he got closer, he realized that it was a girl who was trying to get away from some asshole. 

“Just leave me alone!” she yelled.

The guy grabbed her by the arm roughly and pulled her closer. He said something Steve couldn’t hear, but she started struggling against him even more fiercely after that.

“Hey!” Steve called out. “You wanna leave her alone?”

The guy scoffed as he sized Steve up. “Get lost. This is none of your fucking business.”

“I’m walking here and I see you bothering her. I think that makes it my business.” 

The asshole released the girl and started towards Steve. The guy was much bigger than Steve, easily towering over him, but Steve was not about to let fear overtake him. Steve steeled himself for a fight, getting ready to throw a punch. 

The other guy threw the first punch, knocking Steve off balance. It hurt like hell, but he’d had worse. Steve punched the guy, but it didn’t seem to hurt him that much. He just smirked. 

What the asshole hadn’t counted on, was the girl still being there. She came up behind him and kicked him hard in the backs of his knees, then came around to his front and kicked him in the balls for good measure, making him stumble and double over in pain.

The guy looked absolutely furious, but he also decided it wasn’t worth it. “Fucking bitch,” he spat at the girl before he walked away.

“You okay?” Steve asked her.

“I should be asking you that. Your face is a mess,” she said.

Steve shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

The girl raised her eyebrows. “What, you do this often?”

Steve made a noncommittal sound. It had been a while since he last got in a fight like this, but every time he saw some asshole harassing someone else, he couldn’t just walk past and pretend he didn’t see it, even if it usually resulted in bruises and sometimes in a broken nose.

The girl still looked concerned. “You should really get that checked out though.” She held out her hand. “I’m Sharon, by the way.”

Steve took her hand. “Steve,” he said. “And thanks for your concern, but I’m fine, really.” He turned back towards the library. “Stay away from assholes, okay?” he said as he started to walk away.

“Right back at ya,” she said, smiling.

His face did hurt quite a lot, but he reasoned he could get an ice pack after dropping off Bucky’s sandwiches. He was glad Bucky was a creature of habit, he always chose the same corner of the library to study in, so it did not take Steve long to find him. 

There were a few other people sitting near Bucky, so Steve tried to be as quiet as possible. He sat down next to Bucky, who only looked up when he heard the chair next to him move. The look in his eyes went from pleasantly surprised to shocked in about half a second. It would’ve been comical, had it not been a serious situation. 

“What the fuck happened to your face?” he said, trying to keep his voice to a whisper but failing, his volume steadily going up as the sentence progressed.

“I’m fine, just got in a fight with some asshole who wouldn’t leave this girl Sharon alone,” he said casually. “I brought you some sandwiches,” he added, trying to change the topic.

“What the fuck, Steve?”

“It’s nothing,” Steve shrugged off Bucky’s concerns.

“It’s not nothing,” Bucky all but hissed. “Your eye is starting to swell shut. Why did you have to go pick a fight with some random dude?”

Steve bristled at that. “I didn’t just _pick a fight_ , he was harassing someone. I’m not just going to walk by and ignore it when I see it, okay?” They were starting to attract attention from the other students in this part of the library, but Steve didn’t care.

“So you just have to be the hero, or what?” Bucky shot back.

“It’s not about being a hero, it’s about doing _the right thing_. I won’t look the other way just because that’s easier.” Steve had gotten in trouble about this before. His mom had a sigh that was reserved especially for when Steve came home with a bloody nose or black eye. Sam had once given him a speech about self-preservation and that it’s okay to look out for yourself before you look out for others. But Steve simply didn’t feel that way. In his mind, not acting when you saw someone else get hurt meant siding with the attacker. And Steve would never allow for something like that. 

“I can’t really stay mad at you when you say shit like that,” Bucky grumbled. He reached out to pull Steve closer and hug him. “Would you just look out for yourself?” 

“Says you, Mr. I-haven’t-eaten-since-God-knows-when,” Steve replied, partially to avoid having to make promises he wouldn’t be able to keep and partially to steer the conversation back to sandwiches and generally happier things. He moved out of Bucky’s hold to grab the tupperware box with sandwiches out of his backpack. 

Bucky looked at the box for a few moments. “Please tell me that’s not the same box I gave you to trap the spider in?” he asked, eyes wide.

Steve shrugged. “Uhh, I don’t know, it might be. I kept the box since you didn’t want it back, so maybe?” 

“WHAT? There could be tiny spider eggs in there, Steve! There could be spiders on those sandwiches RIGHT NOW.”

Bucky’s near-yelling attracted some irritated looks and Steve heard a few people shush Bucky. He also saw one girl shaking with silent laughter. “Shh, calm down. I cleaned it thoroughly after I set the spider free. No spider eggs,” he promised. He started opening the lid. “See, nothing but sandwiches.”

Bucky carefully inched closer to the now opened box, seeing the sandwiches and general lack of spider eggs inside. “Oh man, those sandwiches do look really good, but…”

Steve cut him off. “Are you really going to say you can’t eat these sandwiches, which were lovingly prepared by your boyfriend, because there _might_ have been a spider in there once even though that box has been thoroughly cleaned since? Because I have news for you: spiders may have been on a lot of stuff of yours at one point or another.”

Bucky grimaced. “Okay, you’re absolutely not helping, thanks for that. But point taken.” He gingerly took one of the sandwiches out of the box, as if he was still expecting a spider to crawl out from between the slices of bread. “Thanks for bringing these, babe,” he said, briefly kissing Steve. He took a bite and let out what can only be described as a filthy moan. The other students’ heads turned again, clearly relieved when they realized the moan was caused by a sandwich, and not by Steve. “Hmm, this is so good,” Bucky said, before taking another, much bigger bite.

Steve suppressed a giggle. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, but maybe keep the volume down a little? People are starting to wonder what exactly we’re doing over here.”

Bucky snorted. “Let them wonder.” He pulled Steve in for another quick kiss. “Now please go get an ice pack for your eye,” he added softly.

“Fine,” Steve said, before getting up and heading towards the first aid station. 

\--- 

Fall break meant that Bucky could finally make up for disappearing into the library for a whole week. Once again, Steve thanked whatever gods were listening for giving him a roommate who was almost never in. He was spending fall break with his aunt. He was a nice guy and Steve got along with him just fine, it was just nice to have some alone time sometimes. 

Bucky would get his tattoo done on the last day of break and Steve had decided to go along. But that still left three days of freedom from classes and readings for them. 

That Saturday afternoon Steve received a text from Bucky. **‘i seem to remember your proposal to netflix and chill’**

Steve decided to mess with Bucky a little. **‘hmm really? can’t remember’**

**‘steve i can tell ur lying from the other side of the wall don’t even try with me’**

Steve laughed out loud, before realizing that Bucky could probably hear that too. Only a few seconds later, he received a text saying: **‘i heard that’** and a few seconds later another one: **‘please let me come over p l e a s e’**

Steve waited a few minutes to reply, just to mess with some more. **‘only because you asked so nicely’**

The knock on Steve’s door came so quickly after sending the text, he didn’t think it humanly possible. “Were you waiting outside the door or something?” he asked after opening the door. 

Bucky didn’t answer him, instead choosing to kiss Steve, who responded eagerly. They half-walked, half-stumbled towards Steve’s bed, where Bucky made sure he was the first to sit down, pulling Steve on top of him. Their kisses were more urgent and frantic than usual and before long, Bucky lay back on the bed, pulling Steve down with him. Bucky’s hands were everywhere at once it seemed, trying to touch Steve in as many places as possible. When Steve rolled his hips down, both of Bucky’s hands immediately flew to Steve’s ass, pulling him down while pushing his own hips up to increase friction. 

Steve could feel Bucky’s erection against his hip and was painfully aware of his own. Bucky was now kissing down Steve’s neck, one hand still firmly planted on Steve’s ass, while the other had crept up underneath Steve’s shirt and came to rest between Steve’s shoulder blades. He suddenly became self-conscious. He had no idea what he was doing, what if Bucky was turned off by that? Bucky had never commented on it, but Steve was sure he could tell how inexperienced Steve was. Bucky clearly had plenty of experience. It reminded Steve how far out of his league Bucky was.

“Can we slow down?” Steve asked in a small voice.

The hand that was on Steve’s ass immediately left him and Bucky stopped kissing him. “Shit, sorry. Of course we can,” he said reassuringly. “Is it something I did or…?” he asked.

“No, no. Just...going too fast, is all. Sorry,” Steve mumbled. He was trying to hide his face in Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky grabbed his face to make him look at Bucky. “Hey, don’t apologize for setting boundaries.” Bucky moved Steve so he was lying next to Bucky, instead of on top of him, still holding him close. “Is this okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Steve said, still feeling embarrassed, despite Bucky’s reassuring response.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Bucky must have sensed Steve’s embarrassment too. 

Steve contemplated lying, but he figured Bucky deserved better than that. Besides, Bucky had been nothing but understanding. “Nothing, just, you know what you’re doing and I, well, don’t,” he finally said. 

“So? You really think that’s a dealbreaker for me?” Bucky asked kindly.

Steve didn’t know how to answer that. Now that he’d said it out loud, it did sound silly. 

“We’ll take it slow if you want, I don’t care,” Bucky said. 

“Okay,” Steve said, nestled in Bucky’s side, finally feeling calm again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the change in rating, this chapter is where things start to get a bit more explicit.

Bucky felt like an idiot for not slowing down sooner that Saturday afternoon. He’d been so caught up in chasing his own pleasure that he hadn’t stopped to think what Steve was thinking. Not that he would’ve gone much further without checking in, but it still bothered him. What bothered him even more were Steve’s horrible insecurities. He didn’t care that Steve was inexperienced, he had figured that much anyway when they started dating. 

What was far more important to him was that he liked Steve, he liked the way Steve got all riled up when he talked about something he cared about, he even started to like Steve’s stubbornness, even if it caused him headaches. Seeing Steve with that black eye scared him, especially because of Steve’s health. He deliberately didn’t bring that up with Steve - he knew it was a touchy subject - but he couldn’t help but worry. At least Steve had had a good reason for getting into that fight. Despite his worries, he was always proud of Steve for standing up for his ideals like that. Not many people would do what Steve did. It made Bucky want to be a better person himself. 

They spent much of the rest of fall break together, watching movies and being generally lazy. Bucky had spent so much energy on his midterms that he really needed these days to recover. He knew his studying habits were probably not the healthiest, but he was determined to keep his GPA up and keep his scholarship. If that made him a giant nerd, so be it. 

Clint jokingly complained a few times that he barely saw Bucky anymore, but he was sure his roommate was glad he had their room for himself a lot these days. Natasha had come over at least twice that Bucky knew of.

On the last day of break, Bucky was going to get his tattoo done. In the past few days, Steve had been asking him a lot of questions about it. “But doesn’t it hurt a lot?” he’d asked.

Bucky had shrugged. “Depends. I’ve got some that hurt like hell and others I barely even felt.” 

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll regret some of them?”

“Nah, not really. I figure, if I chose a design for whatever reason at one point in my life, it will reflect that part of my life. And even if I change, that would still be part of me, you know?” Bucky had thought about this a lot, mostly because so many people asked him this exact question. To him, it was never a huge concern. He wanted to stay connected to his own past and this was one way to do it. 

“Hmm, love it when you go all philosophical on me,” Steve had joked, before leaning in to kiss Bucky. 

“Yeah baby, you know I’m deep as fuck,” Bucky had replied, trying to keep a straight face, but bursting into laughter when Steve cracked up. 

His appointment with Natasha was at 2, so at 1:30, he knocked on Steve’s door. “You ready?” he asked when Steve opened the door.

Steve grabbed his keys. “Yep, let’s go.”

They walked over to Black Widow Ink, arriving a little early. Natasha looked up when they walked in. “Well, I haven’t seen you in ages,” she said.

Bucky smiled. “Sorry Nat, been kinda busy.”

“Yeah, so I gathered,” she smirked. “This is Steve, I assume?” she asked, nodding towards Steve.

Steve looked mildly intimidated, but he stepped forward to introduce himself anyway. “Yeah, nice to meet you.” 

Natasha sized Steve up. Bucky assumed she was using her weird spidey-senses again: she could read people so easily, it would’ve been frightening if she hadn’t been his friend. “Yeah, you too,” she finally said. Bucky even thought he saw a hint of a smile. None of his exes had gotten that reaction from her. Natasha turned back to Bucky. “You still have some time if you want to get one of Peggy’s cupcakes.”

It was a tempting offer, but Bucky declined. “Let’s just get started now,” he said. 

“Okay.” She started her preparations while Steve looked on, fascinated. Before long, she was ready, tattoo gun in hand. The familiar buzz, though painful, calmed Bucky down. Whatever stress from midterms was still left over, it started to ebb away as Natasha got to work. 

About halfway through, Bucky’s stomach began to rumble. “Told you to get that cupcake,” Natasha said. 

Bucky put on his best puppy eyes. “Steeeeve. Can you please go over to Peggy’s and get me one of those Nutella cupcakes?”  
Steve laughed. “Yeah sure, Buck.” 

“Don’t spoil him,” Natasha warned. “He’ll become insufferable.” 

Steve snorted before walking out of the shop and going over to Peggy’s. 

“You did good, James,” Natasha said. “He’s a good kid.”

“Seriously, how do you do that?!” Bucky asked. When he first met her, he thought she just bluffed her way through life, but when he found she was almost always right, he seriously started considering the possibility of her being a mind-reader. “But yeah, you’re right. He’s a good guy. I just don’t think he knows that.”

“Of course I’m right,” she said smugly. “He’s got you to show him now, doesn’t he?”

Bucky kept one eye on the door before answering, in case Steve came back. “Yeah, except he won’t let me. He behaves like a bristling cat every time I try.” He wanted to sigh dramatically, but that would involve moving too much and disturbing Natasha’s work.

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out. You’re smarter than you look,” she said.

“Gee, thanks,” Bucky replied. He was surprised Steve wasn’t back yet. Maybe the hipster crowds finally discovered Peg’s place. He had to suppress a shiver just at the thought. It took another ten minutes for Steve to return. “Please tell me hipsters haven’t overrun the place,” he said the second Steve walked through the door.

“Huh, what?” Steve said, cupcake in hand. “No, Peggy and I were just talking. It wasn’t busy.”

Bucky let out a relieved breath. “Thank fuck. Wait, what did you talk about?” 

“Nothing,” Steve said evasively, which definitely meant they’d been talking about Bucky. He was okay with it, he’d basically been doing the same with Nat just now. “Did you know she has a thing for one of her regulars?” Steve asked, casually changing the topic.

“What?! No! Spill!” Bucky demanded. 

“Sit still,” Natasha reminded him.

“Fuck, sorry. But c’mon Steve, tell me!”  
“I was talking to her, and this woman walked in who ordered the usual, so she’s definitely a regular,” Steve began. “She looked like a waitress, I guess she was on her break or something. She called Peggy “English,” you should’ve seen how Peggy looked at her, like she hung the moon.”

“That devious bastard, I can’t believe she didn’t tell me,” Bucky said. “She better give me all the details.” Steve handed Bucky his cupcake and he tried to eat it with just one hand, but the wrapper was giving him trouble. He tried to peel it off with his teeth, but that resulted in getting Nutella all over his nose. “Steeeeeve,” Bucky whined. “Help me.”

Steve had never looked more amused. He took the cupcake from Bucky and unwrapped it. “You’re helpless,” Steve said as he handed the cupcake back. 

“I’d be lost without you, babe,” Bucky replied, batting his eyelashes and making Steve laugh. He ate his cupcake, praising all the gods and Peggy for making such a delicious treat. It also helped distract him from the pain in his arm. Steve had started wandering around the room, looking at the other pieces Nat had done. That kept him busy for a while. 

Before Steve had made his way through the entire shop, Natasha announced she was done. “You know the drill by now, right?” she asked.

“Yeah, Nat. Thanks,” he said, checking out his arm in the mirror. “It looks great, just what I wanted.” He turned to Steve. “Let’s go back to Peg’s. I need to know everything,” he said. He paid Natasha, told her he’d come by again soon and walked over to Peggy’s shop. 

“Peggy! What is this I hear about a new love interest?” Bucky all but yelled.

Peggy briefly glared at Steve, who seemed to shrink under her gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, maintaining her composure.

“‘English?’” Bucky asked. 

“For God’s sake. She’s just one of my regulars.”

“Suuuure,” Bucky drawled. 

“There’s nothing going on between us,” she said. “Besides, it would be unprofessional to ask her out.”

“But there could be something going on,” Bucky retorted. “What’s her name?”

“Angie,” she replied. “Can you go back to minding your own business now?” 

“Only if you promise me updates.”

Peggy sighed. “Fine. You still have some Nutella on your face by the way, smartarse.” 

Bucky hastily wiped his nose. “Nice to see you again too, Peg.” 

\--- 

Bucky’s tattoo healed nicely over the past few weeks. Halloween was just around the corner. He’d been invited to this guy Tony Stark’s party. He didn’t know Stark very well, but his parties were legendary on campus. Bucky had passed the invitation along to Steve and Sam. Bucky knew Steve wasn’t much of a party animal, but he figured if Sam also came along, Steve would be more comfortable. 

Bucky spent more time than he’d care to admit trying to come up with a costume, until Steve suggested he could do skull face paint for him. It was perfect because he wouldn’t have to do any of the work and he could just wear a black hoodie and his ridiculously tight black skinny jeans. 

So Halloween night, Bucky found himself sitting in Steve’s room, Steve working on the face paint with a concentrated look on his face. “There’s one downside to this,” Steve said.

“What’s that?”

“Can’t kiss you without messing up the paint.”

Bucky’s face fell and Steve laughed at his pouty face. “Guess I’ll just have to live with messed up face paint.”

“Nuh-uh,” Steve said. “I’m working hard on this, you’re just gonna have to control yourself.”

“But Steeeeve,” Bucky began.

“Shut up, you’re already making me mess up,” Steve chastised him.

This was just downright cruel. He did keep his mouth shut from then on, letting Steve finish his work. When Steve was finally done, he went back to his own room to put on his jeans. He wanted to see Steve’s reaction and he was secretly hoping it would convince Steve to reverse his no-kissing policy. 

Steve was dressed as the Eleventh Doctor. When Bucky saw him in costume, he almost let out a groan of frustration. Never in his life had he thought of suspenders as sexy, but now he was having a serious situation. He wanted to pin Steve to the wall and kiss him breathless but he _couldn’t_. He steeled himself for a night of intense sexual frustration. 

They met Sam, who was dressed as some obscure superhero, in the hallway and headed to the party. Clint had gone to Natasha’s earlier that day and they would meet the two of them at the party. 

“Who are you supposed to be?” Bucky asked Sam.

“Man, I’m Falcon. I can’t believe none of y’all know who he is,” he said, sounding more amused than annoyed.

“Sorry dude, guess you’re gonna have to educate me about obscure comics some time,” Bucky replied. 

Stark lived off campus, in a house no college student should be able to afford. There were far more people there than Bucky had counted on and he wondered how he was going to find Clint and Natasha in this mass of people. Steve looked a little uncomfortable, so Bucky told him they could leave anytime. 

“No, it’s fine,” Steve said.

On their way to the kitchen, Bucky spotted Natasha’s red hair. She was dressed as Catwoman, Clint as Ezio from Assassin’s Creed. The music was so loud Bucky could barely make out what Natasha was saying, but he could tell she said something about his face paint, so he just replied, “Steve did it,” hoping he was answering the right question.

Natasha looked impressed. “It looks really good,” she told Steve, who almost preened in response.

“We’re just going to get some drinks,” Bucky yelled over the music, pointing towards the kitchen for emphasis. “Be right back.” He dragged Steve with him, Sam following them. Bucky grabbed a couple of beers for himself and Sam from the fridge, but Steve went for the shots that were lined up on the counter. 

They headed back to the room Natasha and Clint were in, which had now turned into a makeshift dancefloor. Sam walked onto the dancefloor and Steve looked like a deer caught in headlights when Bucky headed in the same direction. 

“Just go with me for a bit?” Bucky asked.

Steve considered it for a moment. “Fine,” he finally said.

Bucky dragged him along until he found a spot near Clint, Nat, and Sam, pulled Steve close to him and told Steve, “tell me if you want to stop.”

Steve started blushing. “I can’t dance.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Bucky reassured him. “Just follow my lead.” He gently turned Steve around, so Steve’s back was against Bucky’s front. He started grinding against Steve, watching his reactions. “Okay?” he asked.

Steve nodded. 

They kept dancing, only breaking apart to get more drinks. The more they drank, the filthier their dancing got. Bucky forgot all about his face paint and started kissing Steve’s neck, who apparently also forgot about his rule. He turned around in Bucky’s arms and kissed him properly on the mouth, immediately deepening the kiss. Steve’s hands flew down to Bucky’s ass, increasing the friction between them. 

Steve pulled Bucky along, away from the dance floor, towards the upstairs bedroom. As soon as Steve spotted a room with an open door, he wasted no time in dragging Bucky towards that room, pushing him on the bed and straddling his waist. Steve kissed Bucky again, thrusting his tongue in Bucky’s mouth and grinding his hips down into Bucky’s. Bucky was taken by surprise: he wasn’t used to Steve taking control like this, but he liked it. 

One of Steve’s hands wandered down, from Bucky’s chest, down his abs, continuing lower down. Bucky had been half-hard since they started dancing, but when he felt Steve’s hand palming his cock through his jeans, he suddenly broke through the alcohol-induced haze. “Steve, wait.” When Steve didn’t respond immediately, Bucky grabbed his hand, guiding it away from his cock. “Steve, you’re drunk.”

He finally stopped kissing Bucky and sat up. “What?”

“I can’t do this with you right now, not when you’re drunk.”

Steve’s face fell. “Don’t you want me?” 

“Steve, look at me,” he said seriously. “You have no idea how much I want you, but we’ve never done this and I’m not doing this if you don’t know what you’re doing.” It was less than eloquent but it was the best he could do with all the alcohol buzzing through his veins. 

Steve’s shoulders sagged, but he seemed to understand what Bucky was saying because he moved off him and lay down next to him. 

\--- 

The following morning, Bucky woke up at 2 PM with one hell of a headache. He checked his phone and saw he had a text from Steve.

**‘thanks for not letting me go further last night. I’m sorry. x’**

Last night’s memories came flooding back to him. He was glad he’d had the presence of mind to stop Steve in time. He texted back: **‘no need to apologize. we’ll just pick up where we left off some other time ;) ;)’**

The reply was almost immediate. **‘you’re unbelievable’**

 **‘is that a good thing or a bad thing?’** Bucky asked.

 **‘jury’s out on that one,’** Steve answered. A few minutes later he got another text. **‘can I come over?’**

**‘if you don’t mind seeing me completely hungover and gross, sure’**

**‘you think I’m in better shape?’** Half a minute later, Steve knocked on Bucky’s door. He did look pretty rough, but not as rough as Bucky felt.

Steve made a move like he wanted to kiss Bucky, but Bucky stopped him. “My mouth feels like a grave right now, for your own good, let’s not.”

Steve grinned. “You’re really fucked up, huh?”

“No need to gloat, Rogers,” Bucky grumbled.

Steve looked around the room. “Where’s Clint?” he asked.

“Guess he crashed at Nat’s. I honestly have no idea,” Bucky replied.

Steve sat down on Bucky’s bed and motioned to the space in front of the bed. “Sit down,” he told Bucky.

He did as he was told, not sure what Steve was planning. When he felt Steve’s hands carding through his hair, he let out a soft moan. Steve began softly massaging his scalp and Bucky swore he could hear angels sing. “Oh my God, Steve. Please never stop.” He heard Steve chuckling. 

He continued until Bucky was putty in his hands. That’s when Steve’s hands moved towards Bucky’s neck and shoulders. When he wanted to move further down Bucky’s back, he hauled Bucky up on the bed (with some help from Bucky, who took a while to understand what Steve was doing) and sat behind Bucky. 

Bucky had no idea how long Steve continued, but by the time he was done, he felt more relaxed than he could remember being in a long time. He turned around to face Steve and hugged him. “Thanks, babe, that was amazing. _You’re amazing_.” He expected Steve to brush off the compliments like he always did, for once, he didn’t. He held Bucky in his arms, the reverse of their usual position. 

That was when Bucky realized what an idiot he’d been. This entire time he’d been trying to praise Steve, treated him like a fragile little thing, but that wasn’t what Steve wanted. He wanted to feel in control because nobody ever let him. Bucky didn’t have to take care of Steve, Steve wanted to take care of _him_. It was so obvious he couldn’t believe he hadn’t realized it before. 

He was so happy he finally knew what to do that he momentarily forgot about his hangover-breath and kissed Steve. 

Steve pulled back, nose wrinkled. “You weren’t kidding. You taste like a grave, too,” he said.

Bucky placed his hand over his heart and gasped indignantly. “Ouch.” He decided Steve was right though and went to brush his teeth, slightly more thoroughly than usual and he took some aspirins for his headache, so he could go back to making out with Steve when he was done.

This time, Steve was more than willing. “That’s much better,” he murmured against Bucky’s mouth. 

They ended up in the same position as the night before, with Steve straddling Bucky, who was lying on his back. Except this time, Bucky was only wearing boxers and a t-shirt. Bucky let Steve take the lead, which only spurred Steve on. He tugged at Bucky’s shirt, trying to get it off without breaking the kiss, which proved impossible. Finally Bucky’s shirt came off and Steve started tracing the outlines of Bucky’s tattoos. He looked mesmerized by them. 

When his fingers began tracing the tattoo on Bucky’s hip, he couldn’t help but twitch under Steve’s touch. If Steve hadn’t noticed how hard he was before, he would certainly have felt it now. It didn’t help either that his hips were ticklish in some spots. 

Steve’s hand stopped moving and he looked at Bucky for a moment, then his hand moved further down. 

“Steve,” Bucky began. “Are you sure about this?” He thought Steve’s text from this morning meant he wasn’t ready and that was why he was glad Bucky stopped him. He had to be sure now.

“I’m not drunk now,” Steve replied. “I know what I’m doing.” He pulled down Bucky’s boxers, freeing his cock. Steve licked his hand and loosely wrapped it around Bucky’s cock. 

Bucky moaned at the feeling of skin on skin. He knew instantly he wasn’t going to last long. Steve’s hand was moving up and down in a steady rhythm, twisting his wrist at the head or thumbing at the slit every few strokes. “Fuck, Steve, that feels so good,” he blurted out. Bucky gave himself over to Steve, letting pleasure wash over him. Steve speeded up his strokes and after just a few minutes, Bucky was coming all over his stomach and Steve’s hand. He immediately pulled Steve down to kiss him, while his hands fumbled with Steve’s belt and fly. 

He realized it was vaguely absurd that he was almost completely naked while Steve was still fully dressed, but he didn’t have the patience to undress Steve first. He just wanted to make Steve feel as good as Steve had just made him feel. He finally succeeded in getting Steve’s jeans out of the way enough for him to start stroking Steve’s cock. He let out a loud moan and his eyes rolled back in his eyes. Bucky remembered Steve had never felt anyone else touch him like this before. He felt so privileged that he got to be the one to do this, that he got to absorb all of Steve’s moans and his hitched breaths and the small noises he tried to suppress. 

He kept kissing Steve, speeding up his strokes when Steve began fucking into his hand. Steve’s movements became erratic and not long after, he felt Steve coming. He stroked Steve through it, until he practically collapsed on Bucky’s chest. 

“Why the fuck did we wait so long to do this?” Steve wondered.

Bucky giggled. He knew why, of course, but he was glad that Steve clearly had no regrets. They were silent for a few minutes when Bucky noticed Steve had drifted off. He tried to get up without waking Steve, but when he tried to move away, Steve clung to him. “Steve, I have to get cleaned up. I’ll be back in a minute, promise.”

“Hmm,” was Steve’s reply. Bucky wasn’t sure if that was supposed to express agreement or disagreement, but Steve did loosen his grip on Bucky, so he got up and cleaned himself off. He came back as quickly as he could and crept back in bed with Steve, who was still sleepy. Bucky thought he was asleep until he heard Steve ask, “Buck?”

“Hm?”

“What does this tattoo mean?” He touched the tattoo over Bucky’s heart.

Bucky took a deep breath. This wouldn’t be his choice of post-coital talk, but it had to come up at some point, so it might as well be now. “They’re my parents’ initials,” he said. “They died when I was six. I wanted to keep them close, you know? It was my first tattoo,” he said, smiling sadly.

“Jesus, Buck. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me before?” Steve asked kindly.

Bucky shrugged. “It’s not really something I bring up unless someone asks. I want to stay connected to my past, but I don’t want to live in it. I don’t know if that makes sense.”

Steve nodded. “I think it does.” He was quiet for a minute. “So, did someone take you in?”

“Nah, just went from foster home to foster home. It wasn’t terrible, I mean, you hear these horror stories and that never happened to me. So I turned out alright in the end,” he replied. Of course it wasn’t perfect and he wished he had a family, but he figured he was one of the lucky ones, given his situation.  
“You’re a good person, Bucky,” Steve told him and then hugged him close.

\--- 

The next month went by quickly. Bucky’s course load increased again and he had to spend considerable amounts of time in the library reading and doing his assignments. Steve sometimes came with him, if he didn’t have any reading of his own to do - he preferred to study in his dorm room. When he accompanied Bucky to the library, he’d draw Bucky. He had no idea how many of the pages in Steve’s sketchbook were drawings of him, but he knew there were many. He hadn’t seen them all, but sometimes Steve would show him and every time he was blown away by the attention to detail. 

Steve and him still regularly visited Peggy’s coffee shop, not in the least because Bucky wanted to be kept up to date about the situation between her and Angie. Halfway through November, there was _finally_ a noteworthy update. 

“So, any news?” Bucky asked when Peggy brought their orders to their table.

She smiled. “She asked me out last week.”

Bucky threw his hands to the sky. “Finally!” he exclaimed. 

“I honestly thought you’d be the one to take matters into your own hands,” Steve said. 

“I told you before, I don’t think it’s professional to ask out your customers,” she explained.

“Oooh, so that’s why you never asked me,” Bucky said, wiggling his eyebrows. Steve snorted.

“Sure, James,” she said. “Anyway, Angie came in here last week and said, ‘I’m tired of waiting, English. Do you want to get dinner with me sometime?’”

“Sooooo, how was it?” Bucky asked, leaning forward in his chair, lest he miss some important detail.

“It was good,” she said, smiling. “We’ve got another date tomorrow.”

Bucky was beaming. “I expect a full report, just so you know.” 

Peggy smiled indulgently. “I’ve got to get back to work,” she said, going back to the counter. 

“One day, I’ll get her to actually spill the details,” Bucky said, more to himself than to Steve.

\--- 

Thanksgiving break came closer and Bucky had no real plans, as usual. He had no immediate family to visit and for the past few years, Clint, Natasha, and Bucky had made their own improvised Thanksgiving feast. 

He hadn’t talked it over with Steve yet, until Steve brought it up. “My mom invited you over for our Thanksgiving dinner,” he said. “Unless you’ve got other plans,” he added quickly.

“I think Clint and Nat will actually be relieved if I leave them alone for once,” he said. “I’d love to join you.” Bucky hadn’t met Steve’s mother yet, even though she didn’t live that far away. Bucky didn’t hold it against Steve though, he understood Steve wanted to wait until he was sure it was serious.

“Great!” Steve said. “I’ll let my mom know.”

The following week, Steve and Bucky drove down to Brooklyn in Bucky’s car. Bucky was a little nervous about meeting Sarah Rogers - he didn’t quite know what to expect - but he was also excited that he got to see where Steve grew up. 

Bucky had picked the music for the drive and after about half an hour, Steve burst out into laughter. “You’re always saying how much you hate hipsters, but you are the biggest hipster I know,” he said in between laughter. “I’ve never even heard any of these songs.”

Bucky sighed. “What a tragic life you lead, when these heavenly sounds have never graced your ears.”

“Still a hipster,” Steve said.

“Shh, just enjoy the music,” Bucky suggested.

When they finally arrived at Sarah’s apartment, Bucky’s became more nervous. He told himself if he could handle a spitfire like Steve, surely Sarah would be fine. 

Turned out he had nothing to worry about. Sarah was tiny and skinny, much like Steve, with the same big blue eyes and long eyelashes. She was much more soft-spoken, though. 

“Hi mom,” Steve said, hugging her briefly.

Bucky held out his hand, which she shook. “Hi Ms. Rogers, I’m Bucky Barnes,” he said.

“Nice to meet you, Bucky. And please, call me Sarah,” she replied, smiling kindly. She signalled for them to go inside and she closed the door behind them.

The apartment was small, but cosy. It was big enough for two people, but only barely. The furniture was worn, which made Bucky feel more at ease. He’d never been around fancy houses or expensive furniture. It was clear Sarah had been cooking most of the day: a lot of food was already stalled out on the table, while some other dishes were still being prepared.

“Make yourself at home, sweetie,” she told Bucky. He and Steve sat down on the old couch, while Sarah continued cooking. Bucky felt he should be helping her, but when he offered, she told him to sit down because he was her guest. 

Steve distracted him by showing him Steve’s old bedroom. Most of his stuff was still there: old posters and drawings, a large collection of paperbacks, and a bunch of DVDs. Bucky examined Steve’s books. “I feel so uncultured now,” he said. “Have you read all of these?” 

Steve shook his head. “Not all of them, no. But most of them.”

“Did you grow up in this apartment?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, pretty much. We moved here after my dad died, but I was so young I can’t remember it.”

It never failed to surprise Bucky. He’d always learned to keep his personal belongings to a minimum, knowing he might have to pack up and leave at any moment. But people like Steve could collect a lifetime of memories in one room. There were so many hidden treasures here, and Bucky wanted to explore all of them.

It would have to wait until after dinner, though. Sarah called them from the kitchen, telling them dinner was ready. They headed over to the dinner table, where an obscene amount of food was stalled out. 

“This looks amazing, Sarah,” Bucky complimented her.

“Let’s just hope it tastes just as good,” she said.

It did. It was the best meal Bucky had had in years. His improvised meal with Nat and Clint was always nice, but it was nothing compared to this. 

“Should I be worried that you two are starving up there?” she asked, when neither Steve nor Bucky had uttered a word in ten minutes and instead kept shoveling food into their mouths.

Steve said something unintelligible, his mouth full. Bucky swallowed the last of his bite and said, “We’re doing fine, but there’s food and then there’s _this_.” Steve nodded vigorously in agreement. 

Sarah laughed. “Okay then. I’m glad you’re enjoying the food at least.”

“That’s the understatement of the year, mom,” Steve said, his mouth finally free of food.

They kept eating until Bucky felt he was about to burst, and Steve seemed to be feeling the same. Sarah had occasionally asked Bucky some questions about what he studied and how they met, which had made her laugh for about five minutes straight. She didn’t ask about his family, for which Bucky was grateful. He didn’t know if Steve had told her, but regardless, he was glad he wouldn’t have to put that damper on the conversation. 

After dinner, Bucky insisted that he and Steve do the dishes and only when it became clear that Bucky would not take no for an answer did she relent. 

They’d been at the dinner table for quite some time and after an hour of watching TV, Sarah decided to go to bed. “I’m completely beat. Comes with old age,” she said jokingly. “Good night, boys.”

Steve and Bucky headed to Steve’s room not long after. Bucky was still fascinated by the room. He looked carefully at the drawings on the walls, and even though they were good, Steve had made visible progress since then. He was even more impressed when he saw the dates on some of the drawings. Some of them had been made when Steve was 12 or 13. “You’re so talented,” Bucky said softly, not sure how thin the walls were and not wanting to wake Sarah by talking too loudly.

Steve came up behind Bucky, hugging him. “Let’s go to bed,” he said.

Bucky agreed; he was pretty tired. He stripped down to his boxers and wore a t-shirt, as did Steve. Bucky had assumed Steve meant to go to sleep right away, but he felt a wandering hand go dangerously low. “Steve, no. Your mother is right in the next room. I just ate her food. I’m in your childhood bedroom. This is too weird.”

“I thought you’d be more adventurous,” Steve said, but there was no accusation in his voice.

“Oh, I’m plenty adventurous,” Bucky retorted. “But yeah, not tonight, babe.”

Steve’s hand traveled back up. “Hmm, okay,” he conceded, already sounding sleepy.

Listening to Steve’s breathing evening out and his soft snoring, Bucky fell asleep not long after.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the updated tags.

Bucky woke up the next morning with Steve’s front plastered to his back. He wasn’t usually the little spoon, and even though their respective sizes must have made it a slightly curious sight, Bucky liked it. He stayed still so as not to wake Steve, but after a couple of minutes he felt Steve pressing light kisses to the back of his neck. “Good morning,” Bucky murmured. 

“G’morning,” Steve replied. 

Bucky was too lazy to move just yet, and Steve seemed to be thinking the same thing. They stayed like that for a while, until Bucky felt Steve’s hand, which had been resting on his chest, snake downward again. “Steve, your mom is still in the next room,” Bucky protested. 

“We can be quiet,” Steve countered, though his hand had stopped moving and came to rest about the waistband of Bucky’s boxers. “Or do you need some help with that?”

Bucky honest-to-God whimpered. When he first met Steve, he thought Steve was an innocent little angel, but he’d never been more wrong in his entire life. This little shit knew exactly what he was doing, even if he’d been plagued with insecurities. 

“Is that a yes?” Steve asked.

“Yes,” Bucky replied, voice a lot less steady than he was aiming for.

Steve’s hand finally went lower and pulled out Bucky’s cock, while his other hand closed over Bucky’s mouth, silencing the sounds Bucky was already making. 

At least Steve didn’t waste any time teasing; Bucky didn’t think he’d be able to handle that. To make matters worse, he could feel Steve’s erection pressing against his ass and he began rutting against Bucky in time with the movements of his hand. “Fuck,” Bucky groaned, but it was mostly muffled by Steve’s hand. The only sounds in the room were Bucky’s muffled moans, the slide of Steve’s hand on Bucky’s cock and Steve’s soft groans. It drove Bucky absolutely wild. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to fuck up into Steve’s hand or grind back against his cock so he tried to do both. Steve noticed and started jerking faster, while also somehow pressing himself even closer to Bucky. When Steve’s movements became more erratic, Bucky had to suppress a loud moan. Steve was getting off on this as much as Bucky was. It only took a few more strokes to push Bucky over the edge, and while Steve was stroking him through the aftershocks, he could feel Steve coming against his back. 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Bucky exclaimed. 

Steve giggled - actually giggled - as if he didn’t just ruin Bucky. “You really can’t be quiet, can you?” he asked, still laughing.

“Fuck you,” Bucky grumbled. To be fair, he was phenomenally bad at staying quiet and Clint had complained about it more than once. 

“What, again?” Steve retorted.

“You are such a little shit, you know that?” 

Steve chuckled. “And proud of it.”

Bucky untangled himself from Steve’s grip and got up to take a shower. After getting dressed, Bucky quietly walked towards the kitchen while Steve was taking a shower. Sarah was still in bed, so Bucky decided to make breakfast for the three of them. It took longer than usual to set everything up because he didn’t know where to find all the things he needed, but when Steve joined him, they worked a lot faster. 

“You two look so cute together,” Sarah said from behind them. Bucky hadn’t heard her get up. 

Steve turned very red and Bucky couldn’t believe such an innocuous comment could make his boyfriend blush, when he didn’t bat an eyelash while he was jerking Bucky off. “Mom, please,” Steve muttered.

Bucky kissed Steve’s forehead and just to mess with him, he said, “She’s right, you’re ridiculously cute.”

Steve shoved Bucky. “Shut up. Don’t you have some cooking to do?” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Breakfast was almost ready and he asked Steve to set the table. When Sarah offered to help, Bucky told her she was absolutely not allowed.

During breakfast, Sarah kept saying how adorable they were and how happy she was to see Steve so happy. Steve turned redder with every comment and Bucky laughed harder every time. 

Bucky couldn’t really remember the last time he’d celebrated Thanksgiving, or any holiday for that matter, like this. He wasn’t used to this domesticity. In the foster homes, there were always so many children, it inevitably turned into complete chaos. He’d had some nice holidays in those years, but it was never like this. No sleeping late because there were always some kids who were up early and running around the house, no laziness because there was always work to do, no quiet moments. He enjoyed every moment of this Thanksgiving.

\--- 

The rest of the weekend was nice and lazy. To Bucky’s relief, Steve and Sarah did not go Black Friday shopping. The idea of facing hordes of people who were all after the best deals was horrifying to Bucky, and the Rogers agreed with him. They mostly lounged on the couch and on Saturday afternoon, Steve took Bucky to a nearby park, where the crisp fall air cleared Bucky’s head from the food-induced drowsiness of the past few days. 

On Sunday morning, Steve and Bucky drove back to campus. Sarah had given Bucky a very tight hug right before they left. Bucky had grown very fond of her. In just a few days, she’d made Bucky feel at home, like he’d always been a part of their little family.

When classes started again that Monday, life went back to usual. Finals week was approaching and most of Bucky’s classes were rushing to get all the required course work done, making it hard for Bucky to spend a lot of time with Steve, much to Steve’s dismay. Bucky spent more and more time in the library as finals approached and Steve became slightly grumpier with every passing day. He didn’t voice his complaints to Bucky, but Bucky knew he was annoyed. He figured he’d have to make it up to Steve over Christmas break. 

Bucky knew he got a bit obsessive over midterms and finals, but he just really wanted to keep his grades up. He’d gotten a scholarship and he didn’t just want to keep it, he wanted to prove he was worth the scholarship in the first place. When he told Steve this, Steve apologized for being annoyed with Bucky. It was never Bucky’s intention to get an apology from Steve, but it was nice that Steve seemed to understand Bucky’s motivation for studying incessantly a bit better. Steve still insisted he eat properly though and texted him a couple of times a day to remind him to eat, for which Bucky was grateful. 

His finals went well - or at least, he hoped they did. He was still waiting to get his grades back, but he had a good feeling about them. Steve seemed pleased too.

“I think you guilted me into studying harder,” he half-complained one night, back in Steve’s dorm.

“Yeah?” Bucky asked, smirking.

Steve nodded. “Every time I wanted to do something else, I pictured you in the library, and I felt guilty for not working as hard as you. Can’t believe I’m putting up with such a nerd,” he grumbled.

Bucky promptly shut him up by kissing him.

\---

They had a few more days before Christmas break started and they’d have to leave campus. They had agreed to spend Christmas Eve with Natasha and Clint - their little ragtag group of outsiders - and visit Sarah on the 25th. Bucky felt a little guilty about neglecting his friendship with Nat and Clint ever since he started dating Steve. They had never complained about it, but it was important to him to celebrate Christmas with his friends, not least because it had become a bit of a tradition for them. The only difference was that this year, Steve would join them.

In between campus closing and Christmas, Bucky and Steve would stay at Natasha’s apartment over her shop, in her spare bedroom. She’d made sure there was room for him over Christmas break since his freshman year, when he had let on he didn’t really have a home to go to. He could’ve gone back to his last foster home, but he’d rather not. He didn’t feel very connected to that place. Natasha had understood that without him telling her and had offered he spend Christmas with her because, “I’m a loner asshole too.” Clint had joined them the following year, another stray with nowhere else to go. 

Bucky had felt awkward about asking if Steve could join them, but Natasha had beat him to it. 

“Are you and Steve coming over for Christmas?” she had asked.

“Umm, yeah, if that’s okay?” Bucky had half-asked.

Nat had punched him in the arm. “Of course it is,” she had said, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. 

So that had settled it: they were going to stay at Nat’s until Christmas. Before they left campus, Steve had gone to meet up with Sam, which gave Bucky the opportunity to wrap the last of his presents and stuff them in his bag. Sam had been invited to join them at Nat’s, but according to him he’d be “skinned alive” if he missed a Wilson Christmas. He had then proceeded to tell them in great detail about all the food that’d be served and Bucky didn’t feel the least bit sorry for Sam that he had to miss out on Christmas with a bunch of weirdos who could barely cook. Neither did Sam, probably. 

They headed over to Nat’s as soon as Steve came back. Bucky was excited about spending some time with friends, away from the stress of school. Just relaxing, eating terrible food and watching equally terrible movies. Bucky would still have to go to work a couple of nights, but other than that, he was completely free. 

Natasha’s apartment was about the same size as Sarah’s, though that was the only similarity. The place had a much more modern feel: chrome and black with the occasional red accent where Sarah’s was colorful and soft. While it was not Bucky’s first choice of home decorating, he still felt completely at home here. He let himself fall on the couch, spreading out, but leaving enough room for Steve to join him. 

“Leave some room for me!” Natasha yelled from the kitchen.

“No can do,” Bucky replied as Steve settled on the couch, the two of them (but mostly Bucky) taking up a ridiculous amount of space. 

“That’s my couch you’re sitting on, Barnes, and you know I can kick your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit down at all anymore till the new year.” 

Steve seemed to be caught somewhere halfway between shock and amusement, but Bucky was grinning. He moved to sit more like an actual human being instead of an extremely lazy cat. Natasha gave them an approving look, sat down and slung her legs over Bucky’s lap. Clint joined them not much later. He tried to squeeze in on the couch, but that proved to be impossible and Bucky knew that if he tried to get Steve to his on his lap, it would not go over well, so he decided to settle on the floor in front of Steve. 

They ate takeout food, watched so many movies Bucky lost count, and spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping - well, Bucky did anyway, Steve was one of those people who woke up far too early every day, but thankfully he let Bucky sleep in most days. Natasha only had one rule: no sex on the couch or in the kitchen. Steve had let on that he was itching to break that rule, but Bucky was kind of terrified of Natasha’s wrath when she’d inevitably find out. 

Christmas Eve finally rolled around. Clint attempted to cook a decent meal, but when the kitchen started to smell suspiciously of burned food, he gave up. Bucky attempted to salvage whatever Clint had not fucked up yet, which basically meant they ended up with half the amount of food they had counted on and ended up ordering takeout again. It was a complete mess but Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Natasha had dug up her crappy Christmas tree a couple of days before and all of them had placed their presents under the tree. After dinner, they all sat on the floor, ready and eager to open their presents. 

“I think Steve should go first, as the newbie,” Natasha said.

Clint scoffed. “He should go _last_ , as the newbie.”

Bucky smacked Clint on the back of his head, while Natasha said, “Clint will go last.”

“Goddamnit. Remind me why I’m friends with you people?”

Bucky batted his eyelashes. “Cause we’re beautiful and awesome and you love us.”

Clint grumbled something Bucky couldn’t make out. Meanwhile, Steve had been watching the entire exchange looking slightly uneasy, as if unsure whether he could start opening presents. Bucky pushed him towards the pile, and Steve immediately went for Bucky’s gift; he must have recognized the handwriting on the name tag. He threw a glance at Bucky before unwrapping the rather large package. 

The wrapping paper fell away to reveal three books, all Barnes and Noble leatherbound classics. Steve slowly let his hands run over the covers. “Wow, thank you, Buck. I love these.” He continued to examine them for a while, then asked, “Wait, how did you know I didn’t have these books already?”

“I remembered which classics you already own, so…”

“You remembered that, from that one time you were in my room?” Steve asked, surprised.

Bucky smiled. “Got a good memory, I guess.” He did have a good memory, but he kept the receipts just in case anyway. He was glad he wouldn’t be needing them anymore. 

Steve kissed him. “I really love these,” he repeated, before grabbing another present from the pile.

“This one’s from me and Clint,” Natasha said. “Mostly because Clint is terrible at giving gifts,” she continued, grinning while Clint grumbled again.

Steve laughed as he opened the present. They had bought Steve art supplies and, knowing Nat, they were probably the cream of the crop. Steve beamed at them. “Thank you so much. You too, Clint,” he said.

Clint waved it away. “I mean, it was all Nat, to be honest.” 

“Yeah, I figured,” Steve replied, like the little shit that he is.

Natasha was next. Bucky got her watercolors because she had let on that she wanted to try her hand at watercolor designs and Clint said she would receive his gift later, to which Bucky pretended to throw up. Steve had somehow managed to convince Peggy to share the recipe of Nat’s favorite brownie, to everyone’s surprise. Peggy usually kept her recipes secret.

“How did you do this?” Natasha asked, sounding impressed.

“Guess she likes me more than you guys,” Steve said. 

“Wait, have you been talking to Peggy without me?” Bucky asked. “Do you know more about her and Angie?” 

Steve nodded. “Yeah, when you were at the library, I would just go to her shop. She mostly complained about you neglecting her,” Steve joked.

“Steeeeve, don’t tease me. How are things with Angie?” Bucky whined.

“Peggy’s spending Christmas with Angie’s family, so I think they’re good.” 

“Oh my God, I _cannot_ believe you would keep this from me. You know I live for this shit.”

Steve grinned. “You’ll just have to ask nicely next time.”

Bucky threw himself at Steve’s feet. “Please please please tell me next time you talk to Peggy, please Stevie,” Bucky begged, while Steve blushed profusely. 

Clint coughed. “Okay, let’s cut out the weird foreplay and open your presents, Barnes.”

Bucky sat back up and grabbed the gift nearest him. He recognized Clint’s handwriting. 

Clint was already laughing, so Bucky prepared himself. “I’ve already given you the gift of being your roommate, but I guess I can give you something else.”

Bucky unwrapped the present, not sure what to expect, but not at all surprised when he spotted lube and condoms. Steve turned even redder. Clint had also included five “privacy vouchers” to be redeemed at any time, because, “I definitely don’t want to be there when you put my other gifts to use.”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh - this was so typically Clint - but at the same time, he was a little worried about what Steve was thinking. He made a mental note to talk to Steve later. 

He knew what Nat’s gift would be; they had a bit of a tradition. Sure enough, it was a voucher for one tattoo design, free of charge. Not a single year had gone by without Bucky utilizing the voucher and he was certain this coming year would be no different. 

Only Steve’s gift was left. He could feel Steve radiating anxiety on his left, but he was sure that whatever Steve would give him, he would love it. It was a booklet. The cover did not betray its contents, so Bucky opened it carefully and was met with the most stunning portrait of himself. “Holy shit, Steve,” he whispered. Slowly, he flipped through the pages. Most of the drawings were of Bucky, some of them were of Steve and Bucky together, and still others featured Peggy or Natasha. Bucky loved every single one of them. They were so clearly _Steve’s_. No words would convey how much this meant to Bucky, so he leaned over and tried to convey it with a kiss.

“Thank you,” he said softly against Steve’s lips, then continued kissing him. He vaguely heard Clint say, “gross,” followed by the sound of Natasha punching him in the arm, but Bucky couldn’t care less. Steve looked very pleased with himself for the remainder of the evening.

Finally, Clint was allowed to unwrap his presents. Natasha likewise promised him that he would get his present later, while Bucky mimed vomiting again. Bucky got him a dog whistle (because a day without a dog was a day wasted, according to Clint) and an enormous supply of Clint’s favorite coffee, which would maybe last him a week. Bucky realized that maybe he and Steve should have coordinated when Steve also got Clint coffee, though a fancier kind than the one he usually drank. 

“Seriously, dogs and coffee, is that all you know about me?” Clint asked, mock-offended. “I mean, you’re not wrong, but still.”

The evening began to unwind and it seemed that Clint especially was eager to find out what his gift from Natasha was. Bucky absolutely did not want to know. Nat and Clint retreated to her bedroom before long, and Bucky suggested that he and Steve do the same. Bucky began collecting his presents, pausing for a second when he picked up Clint’s, though Steve didn’t seem to notice.

Once in the bedroom, they both sat down on the bed. Bucky was still holding the booklet of drawings. “These are so beautiful. You know that, right?” Bucky asked.

Steve shrugged. “I guess.”

“No, no, no. I’m telling you. You’re an amazing artist and these are gorgeous.” Bucky wasn’t having any of that self-deprecating crap tonight. 

Steve smiled shyly in response. 

Bucky began fidgeting a little. “And uh, about Clint’s gift. I mean, he’s just messing with me. We don’t have to...I mean, just don’t feel pressured by his dumb gift or anything.” Less than eloquent, but it got the message across.

“You worry too much, anyone ever tell you that?” Steve asked, moving closer to Bucky to kiss him. The kiss soon turned urgent, Steve softly moaning and pulling Bucky down with him. Bucky was careful not to put his weight on Steve. He wasn’t sure how easily an asthma attack could be triggered and he wasn’t about to ruin the mood and ask; he knew how much Steve hated talking about his health, even more so at moments like these. But he also wasn’t about to risk causing an asthma attack - that would be a far worse moodkiller. 

If Steve noticed what Bucky was doing, he didn’t comment on it. Bucky began kissing down Steve’s neck, moving towards his collarbones, but realizing Steve’s shirt was in the way. He tugged at the shirt, Steve sat up a little so Bucky could pull it off. For good measure, he pulled off his own shirt as well. He continued his path downwards, trying to keep track of Steve’s breathing at the same time. 

He kept going lower, too impatient to stop and pay much attention to any particular spot. His hands were rubbing Steve’s thighs, slowly inching upwards. “This okay?” Bucky asked, his hands on Steve’s belt, intent clear. 

Steve’s breath hitched. “Yeah,” he said, a little breathless.

“Keep breathing for me, okay?” Bucky responded, half-joking, half-concerned. Steve took a deep breath and nodded. He made quick work of opening Steve’s jeans and pulling them down, taking his boxer briefs with him. Steve was already fully hard, cock curving up towards his slight concave belly, but Bucky decided to tease him a little by kissing up his thigh and hip, over to his other hip, avoiding the spot where Steve most wanted him. 

After several minutes of this, Steve began to whine softly above him and Bucky took pity on him. But before he could do what he had been wanting to do for months, Steve said, “Ask me.”

Bucky looked up at Steve, unsure of what was happening. He was sure Steve wanted this and Steve still looked eager. Bucky suddenly remembered how Steve had reacted when Bucky had begged him earlier and something clicked. “Please Stevie, can I suck your cock?” he asked in his most innocent voice.

Steve’s breath hitched again. “Jesus Christ.” He took another deep breath. “Yeah, Buck.”

Bucky willed himself to be patient and not go to town immediately: he wanted to make this good for Steve. He licked up the length, then focused his attention to the head for a while, until Steve began to make impatient noises and thrusting his hips upwards. He sucked the head in his mouth, quickly taking more in. He was not ashamed to admit that he was good at this or that he enjoyed it. He could easily get off like this, but this was not about him, so he tried not to think about himself. 

Steve was holding back, maybe for Bucky’s benefit, but Bucky wasn’t having any of that. He found Steve’s hands and placed them on the back of his head. He purposefully made eye contact with Steve as he slowly began to use his hands to direct Bucky’s head. Steve’s cock hit the back of Bucky’s throat which only spurred Bucky on, especially because the noises coming out of Steve’s mouth were absolutely sinful. He was moaning loudly now, which only turned Bucky on even more and made him hum around Steve’s cock, in turn driving Steve even crazier. Yeah, Bucky could definitely get off on this.

“Oh fuck,” Steve groaned, as Bucky swallowed around his cock. Steve wasn’t going to last long, so Bucky continued what he was doing, only coming up for air when he absolutely had to. Steve pulled on Bucky’s hair, probably harder than he meant to, but Bucky didn’t mind. On the contrary, he moaned filthily. 

“Buck, I’m gonna come,” Steve choked out. Bucky stayed exactly where he was, locking eyes with Steve as he came down Bucky’s throat. 

Bucky pulled off, kissing back up to Steve’s mouth. “Good?” he asked, grinning.

“Hmm yeah,” Steve replied, seemingly incapable of smartass answers. His breathing was a little erratic and Bucky waited for it to even out. When it did, Steve blushed again. “I didn’t mean to pull your hair like that,” he said, as if he only just remembered he had done that.

Bucky laughed. “Did you not notice how I reacted to that?”

“Yeah, but…”

“I really liked it,” Bucky said. “Anyone ever tell you you worry too much?” he added when Steve looked like he was still about to argue.

“Fine,” Steve said, looking stubborn. He pushed Bucky on his back, made quick work of Bucky’s jeans and underwear and settled between Bucky’s legs. 

“Steve, you don’t have to just cause I…”

“Shut up and stay still,” Steve said.

Bucky had been ignoring just how hard he was, but now that Steve was sitting there, about to suck him off and telling him to shut off, he didn’t think he was going to last long. As soon as Steve’s mouth enveloped him, he knew he was right. Steve was sloppy, but he didn’t care, it still felt amazing. Steve’s hand wrapped around the part he couldn’t reach and in the back of Bucky’s mind, he was glad Steve wasn’t trying to push himself too far on the first try.

He had to warn Steve of his impending orgasm embarrassingly quickly, spilling in his mouth moments later. “Fuck, Steve,” he groaned as Steve collapsed on his chest. 

He waited for Steve’s breathing to even out again. Bucky pulled the blankets over them and they both drifted off to sleep. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the ridiculously long time it took for me to update this story, but here it finally is!

Steve and Bucky spent the following day at Sarah’s house. Steve thanked Natasha for her hospitality. He still felt a little like an intruder at times, but that was certainly not Natasha’s doing. Or Clint’s for that matter. It was just a stupid voice in his head telling him he didn’t belong here, celebrating Christmas with these people who had always celebrated the holiday without him. They had all tried to show Steve that thoughts like that were completely unfounded, but they weren’t completely gone.

He was glad they could go back to more familiar territory. Bucky had seemed very comfortable at Sarah’s house over Thanksgiving, though he seemed comfortable almost anywhere. It was only because Steve had got to know Bucky quite well that he could spot situations in which Bucky felt awkward. Before then, Bucky had seemed impossible to faze. 

Bucky drove, but this time, Steve got to pick the music while Bucky grumbled about it. He knew it was all for show; Steve had great taste in music, even if he said so himself. 

His mother greeted them with open arms, clearly excited to see both of them again. She hugged Bucky tightly, who seemed to be a little surprised by the gesture. 

“Merry Christmas!” she exclaimed, beaming at them. Before they were even properly in the apartment, she handed Bucky a sweater. Bucky took it, throwing Steve a confused look. “We wear ugly Christmas sweaters every year, and we can’t leave you out of our little tradition, now can we?” Sarah explained. 

Bucky laughed. “Well, in that case, I better go put this on.”

They went into Steve’s room to dump their stuff and change into their sweaters.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this tradition. I could’ve gone out to find the ugliest sweater in existence.”

Steve sighed. “I had kind of hoped she wouldn’t do this.” He pulled his own sweater out of his closet, looking quite embarrassed at the prospect of having to actually wear it. 

Bucky took it out of Steve’s hand, took a good look at it, and burst out laughing. “Okay, yeah, that’s pretty bad.” He looked at his own sweater. “At least mine isn’t much better. Gotta hand it to your mom though, she really knows how to find the truly ugly ones.”

Steve made a face as he put it on, but Bucky seemed delighted to be wearing these ridiculous sweaters. He kissed Steve’s pout away before they headed back to the living room. 

Sarah had prepared yet another delicious dinner, the both of them eating until they were about to burst. Especially after a week of Clint’s attempts at cooking and takeout, this seemed like heaven. Bucky kept thanking Sarah for everything, which Steve found more than a little adorable. 

Bucky may have looked more like a bad boy, but out of the two of them, he was certainly the more polite and well-mannered one. Steve was too impatient for civility sometimes, always wanting to cut right to the chase. Bucky had much more patience, that much Steve had noticed.

Christmas seemed to go by in a haze, aided by the food and comfort of home. They were going to spend a week at Sarah’s house and Steve already found himself more relaxed now that he was in a familiar environment, far from campus. Bucky, on the other hand, seemed to be more on edge. At first Steve thought he was imagining it, but as the days passed, Bucky only seemed to be getting more anxious, never sitting still and lost in thought for no apparent reason.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, as they were lying in bed on the third night.

“Hmm? Oh, nothing babe,” he replied. 

Steve sat up, looked Bucky straight in the eye. “Don’t bullshit me. I can tell something’s up.”

Bucky sat up too. “Nothing’s wrong, I promise.”

“But…”

Bucky took Steve’s face in his hands. “I promise. Alright?”

Steve wasn’t entirely convinced, but he figured he could let it go for tonight. “Fine.”

\---

Bucky was less jittery in the days that followed, spending more time with Steve lounging on the couch. He still helped Sarah around the house a lot, despite her protests.

“You’re gonna make me look like a bad son,” Steve said, as Bucky was folding the laundry.

Bucky kissed him briefly. “I could never.”

Steve pulled him in for a deeper kiss, aching for more contact between the two of them. Bucky still felt awkward about sex in Steve’s childhood bedroom, even more so with Sarah in the house. Steve had tried to initiate something a few times, but Bucky cut him off every time. 

“We’ve done it before,” Steve had complained.

“Yeah, and I still feel kinda weird about it. I could barely look your mom in the eye after that. I don’t think I’ve built up a good enough reputation with her to risk her walking in on me defiling her only child,” Bucky had said, grinning. “Sorry babe, I’ll make it up to you when we get back.” 

Steve could hardly make a big deal out of it; Bucky had been patient with him, he could return the favor. So they spent the week doing nothing more than making out and cuddling, which really wasn’t so bad. Bucky was a phenomenal kisser, which he proved over and over again during the course of the week. 

\---

Steve found some quiet time with his mother, as Bucky had insisted on doing the grocery shopping. Though he was glad Bucky was with him this holiday season, he did miss the private chats with his mom. They talked about school for a bit, his mom asked how Sam was doing, he told her about the friends he’d made through Bucky, how welcoming Nat and Clint had been on Christmas Eve, about how Peggy confided in him. Eventually, the subject turned to Bucky.

“He really wants to prove himself, doesn’t he?” Sarah asked.

“I think he’s just grateful, you know?” Steve said. Having grown up in crowded foster homes, Bucky didn’t really know this life. 

Sarah nodded. “You did good, kid.” She looked so proud of Steve. 

“Yeah, he’s amazing,” he said. He felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, just thinking about Bucky.

“Quite the looker, too,” she said, giving Steve a devilish grin. 

“Mom!” Steve felt his cheeks heating up.

“Don’t worry, I won’t steal him from you. Besides, he doesn’t have eyes for anyone else anyway.”

He still couldn’t quite believe that. He couldn’t fathom why someone like Bucky would be attracted to someone like him. A part of him was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, even though he knew Bucky wouldn’t just step out on him. 

Just then, they heard the front door opening. Steve greeted Bucky with a kiss. “You were gone a long time,” he said.

“Yeah, it was busy at the store. Everyone stocking up for New Year’s, I guess.” 

Steve took some of the groceries of Bucky’s hands, helping to carry them into the kitchen, still thinking about the conversation he’d just had with his mom.

\---

New Year’s Eve rolled around much too soon. They’d be going back to campus soon, and though Steve was excited to see Sam and Nat and Clint again, he didn’t want to leave just yet. It had been nice here, in this bubble with Bucky and his mom.

Bucky had been acting a little mysterious all day, his earlier restlessness returning. Steve had asked him about it, but Bucky just told him to wait and see. As if that cleared things up.

Just before midnight, they headed out to the small balcony to see the fireworks. Bucky stood behind Steve, arms wrapped around his waist, keeping him warm. At the stroke of midnight, they all wished each other a happy new year and raise their glass of champagne. Bucky gave Steve a chaste kiss before he took a sip, apparently still mindful of Sarah’s presence. 

They watched the fireworks explode all around them. It was cold out, but Steve barely felt it with Bucky’s heat enveloping him from behind. Bucky put his head on Steve’s shoulder, kissed Steve’s neck once. “I love you,” he said quietly, directly into Steve’s ear, so that Sarah couldn’t hear. 

Steve tensed. He didn’t think this would happen, not now. He wasn’t prepared for this at all.

“You don’t have to say it,” Bucky said, clearly noticing the way Steve reacted. “I just wanted to tell you.”

Steve relaxed a little bit. He felt bad about leaving Bucky’s declaration unanswered, but Bucky genuinely didn’t seem to mind. As the fireworks began to die down, they went back inside. Sarah announced that she was tired and going to bed, giving Bucky a strange sort of look before she retired. 

Bucky pulled Steve to his feet. “I have a surprise for you,” he said, grinning wickedly. 

Steve looked at him suspiciously. “What kind of a surprise?”

“I’m taking you somewhere.” He went into Steve’s room for a moment and came out with a bag.

“We’re not spending the night here?” 

“Nope.” That grin again.

“Does my mom know?” 

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Of course she knows. I’m not kidnapping you.”

Steve was still suspicious as Bucky led him to the Uber waiting out front. 

“Hang on. Is this why you’ve been acting all weird this week?” Steve asked as the car started up.

Bucky nodded. “I’m not telling you anything else, though. You’re just gonna have to wait.” Bucky knew how impatient Steve was, he must’ve done this on purpose. 

The car pulled up at a hotel. It looked nice, much nicer than any place Steve had stayed before. Bucky had apparently checked in earlier today, his key card at the ready and heading straight up to the room. Their room. Steve remembered what Bucky had promised him a few nights before, his mind momentarily blanking out with the possibilities. 

Before they were even through the door, Steve started kissing Bucky, pushing him backwards into the room. Every bit of patience he’d exercised over the last week broke, attacking Bucky’s mouth, letting his hands roam wherever they wanted to, pulling him even closer, as if they weren’t melted together already. Eventually, Bucky’s knees hit the bed and he fell down, taking Steve with him. 

Steve was torn between rutting against Bucky right now, or getting their clothes out of the way first. His dilemma was solved by Bucky, who broke the kiss, gently pushed Steve off of him and sat up, his hair mussed and his lips kiss-swollen.

“Okay, so I guess this was a good surprise?” Steve nodded vigorously. Bucky laughed. “I had a plan, you know. Didn’t count on you being so horny that I can’t even get a word in.” 

“You barely touched me for a week,” Steve said, feigning annoyance.

“Yeah, okay.” He ran a hand through his hair, only mussing it up more. “I want this to be special,” Bucky began. It already _was_ special, Steve thought. He loved the idea of spending a night with Bucky without having to worry about his mom or roommates or neighbors. “It’s your night,” Bucky continued. “Whatever you want, it’s yours. I’m yours.” 

Steve swallowed thickly. “Anything?”

Bucky nodded. 

“What if you don’t want to do the thing I want to do?” He had to get these questions out of the way now, while his brain was still somewhat functioning. 

Bucky shrugged. “If I really don’t want to, I’ll tell you. But I think we’ll be on the same page.” He gave Steve a mischievous smile. “Tell me what to do.” His eyes were burning, pupils blown. 

Steve closed the distance between them, kissing him fiercely. “You can get out of these clothes, for starters,” he said. Bucky immediately complied, stripping out of his clothes as fast as he could. Steve was met with the sight of his naked boyfriend standing in front of him. He wondered once again how he got to be this lucky. “Get over here,” he all but growled. 

He let his hands wander all over Bucky’s body, and Bucky returned the gesture, though he made no move to remove Steve’s clothes. It took a while for Steve to realize that he was probably waiting for Steve to give him permission. “I’m a little overdressed, don’t you think?” he said. Bucky grinned and went to work, pulling Steve’s shirt and jeans off with unprecedented speed. He took his sweet time with the boxer briefs though, peeling them off excruciatingly slowly. 

Once they were off, Bucky made to crawl back up Steve’s body, but Steve stopped him. With a hand in his hair, he guided Bucky to his cock. Bucky caught on immediately and wasted no time sucking the head of Steve’s cock into his mouth. Steve’s back arched off the bed, letting out a filthy moan, completely unconcerned about the other hotel guests. He wasn’t holding back tonight. 

Neither was Bucky. Somehow, his mouth was even better this time. He made no move to hold down Steve’s hips and when Steve accidentally thrust up into his mouth, he only let out a loud moan and redoubled his efforts. One of Steve’s hands tangled in Bucky’s hair, guiding him right where he wanted him. 

“Buck, I’m gonna come.” 

Bucky pulled off with a pop. “Can you go again? We have all night,” he reminded Steve. He nodded. “Good,” Bucky said with a wolfish grin, swallowing Steve’s cock again.

Within half a minute Steve keened, warmth spreading out from the base of his spine, flooding Bucky’s mouth who valiantly tried to swallow everything. He wiped his mouth and rested his head on Steve’s thigh. 

“Jesus Christ, Buck.” He needed a minute to get his breathing under control.

Bucky moved up to lie down next to Steve. “Like I said, we got all night.” He traced lazy patterns on Steve’s chest, waiting for his breathing to become more regular. Once it did, they kissed languidly, Bucky breaking the kiss every now and then to kiss Steve’s neck, eventually making his way back to Steve’s mouth again. 

His patience ran out eventually though, pulling Bucky closer, nipping at his lips, one hand traveling down to his ass. Bucky moaned at the touch, cock twitching against Steve. His own cock responded in kind. He wanted, no he _needed_ to be closer to Bucky, to become one, to feel every part of him. He let his hand slide lower, found Bucky’s hole, heard his surprised gasp against his lips.

“This okay?” Steve asked. He knew what Bucky said, but he needs to be sure.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” Bucky reached over to the night stand, opened the drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube. He handed it to Steve, who spread some on his fingers, and gently rubbed his slick middle finger over Bucky’s hole. He took it slow, partly because he didn’t want to hurt Bucky, but also because he wanted to draw this out as long as possible. Bucky was already whimpering by the time Steve actually slid his finger inside. Bucky ground down on it, trying to get it further inside. He added another finger after a few minutes, crooking his fingers inside. Bucky’s eyes flew open, moaning loudly.

“Please don’t stop, Stevie, please,” he begged.

Steve rubbed the pad of his fingers over Bucky’s prostate relentlessly, Bucky fucking back on his fingers erratically. He only stopped to add another finger, a moan escaping Bucky’s lips at the stretch. It felt incredible to be so close to Bucky, to feel him inside and out, clenching on his fingers. His dick was achingly hard by now. 

He pulled his fingers out, leaning over Bucky to grab a condom from the bedside table. He felt a little out of his depth all of a sudden. The fingering was fine, he’d done it to himself often enough to know what to do, but this was something else. 

Bucky must have sensed his hesitation because he said, “Your night. We do what you want.”

“I want this,” Steve said firmly.

“Okay.” Bucky took the condom and rolled it down Steve’s cock. He put a pillow underneath his hips and spread his legs wide in invitation, Steve settling between them. “Just go easy,” Bucky said.

He lined up his cock with Bucky and pushed in, slowly. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt before, so tight and warm. “Fuck, feels so good.” He finally bottomed out, after what felt like an eternity. He bent down to kiss Bucky. “You good?”

Bucky beamed up at him. “More than good.”

Steve gave an experimental thrust, watching Bucky closely. He started up a slow rhythm, not wanting to come too soon, and wanting to see every little expression on Bucky’s face, catch every sound he made. With each thrust, Bucky moaned louder, only spurring Steve on more. He gradually picked up his pace, Bucky meeting him thrust for thrust. 

A flush had started down Bucky’s neck and chest, contrasting to his pale skin and tattoos beautifully. He was rock hard and Steve realized he hadn’t touched his cock all night, which must be an honest to god crime. But then, he must be close already. Maybe he could make Bucky come like this, wouldn’t that be a sight? He started fucking him hard and deep, Bucky’s back arching off the bed every time he hit his prostate. 

Bucky let out a litany of “God, yes, don’t stop,” driving Steve out of his mind some more.

“Can you come like this?” Steve asked. 

Bucky licked his lips. “If you keep this up, yeah.” He sounded absolutely broken. Steve didn’t think he’d ever tire of hearing that sound.

He tried hitting that spot over and over again. He needed to see Bucky come undone under him, because of him, around him. “C’mon Buck, wanna see you come for me.” Bucky pulled him down for a searing kiss, and seconds later Steve felt come spurt between their bellies. The sensation of Bucky clenching around him was enough to push him over the edge soon after, emptying into the condom. 

He collapsed on top of Bucky, utterly wrecked. “Jesus Christ, Buck. That was amazing.”

Bucky kissed the top of his head. He murmured in agreement. “So, good surprise?” 

“The best.” He couldn’t think of anyone else he’d want to share this with. Bucky couldn’t fix all of his issues, but it helped to know there was someone who cared about him the way Bucky did. 

Eventually, they mustered up the energy to get out of bed and take a bath, which led to some more making out and cuddling. Steve couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this relaxed. He fell asleep in no time, his front plastered to Bucky’s back. 

\--- 

That morning, Steve woke up on his back with Bucky lying on his side, facing him. Bucky was still asleep. He looked so soft, hair a bit of a mess, duvet pulled up to his chin, his face completely relaxed. Steve felt a warmth in his chest, spreading out to the rest of his body. He watched Bucky’s calming breaths until he woke up. He gave Steve a sweet, sleepy smile.

“Hey,” Steve said. “I love you.” There was no better time to say it. 

“Hey,” Bucky echoed. “Love you too.” 

Steve pulled Bucky in for a kiss. They’d have to return to the real world again eventually, but for now, they could stay here. They were good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were wondering what their ugly Christmas sweaters look like, these are what I had in mind:  
> [Bucky's sweater](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0413/4629/products/CHRISTMAS_SWEATER_JOLLY_HOLIDAY_large.png?v=1441108352)  
> [Steve's sweater](http://costumeagent.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/X-Mas-Cardigan-Ugly-Christmas-Sweater-Shirt.png)

**Author's Note:**

> To everyone who waited for this update: thank you so much for sticking around!  
> And of course, thank you to everyone who made it to the end of the story!
> 
> Come say hi on my [tumblr](http://www.hufflepuffbuckybarnes.tumblr.com)!


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